Since the commencement of the travels of Mr. Trouble, Yoruba returnee of Caribbean origin, he has always taken off from here. He has never arrived here. After all, it is not easy to arrive at the point from which you take off! You don’t take off at all. But with Multiple Times President of Nigeria Olusegun Obasanjo labeling Nigeria as “drifting into a failed and badly divided state, describing Nigeria as ”becoming a basket case” the pounded yam needs re-pounding and the egusi freerange chicken stew must be heated again. All these ills so well-known took place as “products of recent mismanagement of diversity and socio-economic development” of Nigeria. In fact, former Multiple President Obasanjo indicates that these changes took place under ongoing Double President Buhari.
Double President Buhari can reply immediately that he has done nothing since he’s been president, simply carrying on policies that the military left behind. For instance, let’s take economics, which Multiple President Dr. Obasanjo refers to as being in a state of chronic depression. Does the Doctor remember that the country’s naira has been in constant and consistent devaluation everyday since the time of President Babangida. The device used for quick corrective measure has become in the hands of Nigerian rulers a permanent chronic medication. This is woefully bad for any and every economy. It does not need a doctorate to deduce from the economic condition the social situation of the country. The banditry, the theft, the kidnapping. Is it also responsible for the corruption of the politicians?
Today, all kidnappers tell you as soon as they force your car to a stop, shoot your driver to death or disability, say “na condition dey make man do these things.” Well, the kidnappers are frank and on the level with Nigerians, but the politicians? Have they ever confessed why they steal so much from the public?
Corruption did not begin with Double President Buhari. Banditry, especially of the Boko Haram dimension did not commence with Double President Buhari. Kidnapping, robbery, assassinations and the renting of killers did not begin with Double President Buhari. And all these ills cause state failure and the failure of justice. When some can, and some cannot get justice the land becomes divided.
In 1999, the military crafted a constitution convenient for them and imposed it upon the country. Multiple President Obasanjo was the first President to govern under the military constitution. It is the same constitution that every government since Multiple President Obasanjo has been trying to correct, to amend, to diversify, to make the constitution do what all constitutions do, enable politicians to govern the country to the pleasure of the citizens of the country.
Mr. Trouble arrived (when he had never departed) to find that the same three-headed menace of Nigeria are still in control of the country. Darkness at night, Drought during the day and the Absence of Law and Order in General. In a rambling wide-world interview Mr. Trouble granted to the world press on his arrival where he had never left Mr. Trouble dwelt on the three-headed
Menace of the country. Darkness at night is one of the achievements of the government. When it is pointed out to them that darkness is natural to the night. And that what governments do is to provide light at night. Drought during the day where water flows fluent everywhere is not natural. Everywhere else in the world technology helps humans to direct the waters to their homes.
Darkness at night and powerlessness during the day with drought in tow make life and living in Nigeria a pain. Go to any market in Nigeria, Mr. Trouble invites the world press to visit any and every market in Nigeria, generators of infinite type of size is available there. Small ones for grounding pepper, onion and tomato for family stew is available. Medium ones for grounding dried plantain to make amala is there. Huge generators for industrial production and supply of power is there in multiples, each person buying his own.
It is like the drought during the day, individual houses dig their bore-hole and produce their own water. “Imagine my laughter, ladies and gentlemen of the press,” said Mr. Trouble, “when our government said our people must wash their hands frequently with soap. Where is the water, I ask the government. You think they answer me?”
As for the Absence of Law and Order generally, the country that has the largest-greatest number of lawyers in Africa does not have enough lawyers to prosecute criminals. Why? This is because the biggest-largest number of lawyers are busy keeping criminals, habitual law-breakers, and common three penny thieves out of the courts. For years, thieves are kept from the courts through postponements, absences of clients and witnesses until the clients quench and the witnesses ‘pafuka’ and die.
That is the story of Law and Order in Nigeria. The poor cannot get justice. Landlord can rent lawyers to play tenants to receive eviction orders. When their beds, plates and frying pans are thrown into the street according to eviction order number 00000345 and the tenant wants to know from whence comes this order? He is told he was in court and he says he was not and those whose duty it is to throw defaulting tenants on to the street laugh and ask him if the Ministry of Justice is lying or the tenant is lying.
At the end of his interview with the world press, Mr. Trouble emphasized the Three-Headed Menace reigning in Nigeria: Darkness at Night, Drought during the day and the Absence of Law and Order Everywhere. These dreadful illnesses have afflicted Nigeria since the beginning of military intervention in Nigerian life. It was there at their beginning. It has been there in their afternoon.
And it is still with them world without. Darkness at Night. Drought during the day. And the Absence of Law and Order Everywhere.
“Can we plead with Multiple President Obasanjo to please read the times past into the times present before pronouncing on the rulers of our Soldierstan Nigeria, please,” says Mr. Trouble when he arrived in Nigeria, which he had never left.