Our electoral meshugaas

Tomorrow is our presidential election. It is the day at last when we will not be afraid to answer the question(s) we will not be afraid to answer. Buhari or Atiku? Buhari or who? Maim or get maimed for who or because of who? Kill or be killed for who or because of who? To cook or not to cook electoral victory for Buhari or Atiku – our principal presidential candidates?

Whatever answer or answers we give, let us not maim or be maimed for any presidential candidate. Whatever answer or answers we give, let us not kill or be killed for any presidential candidate. No matter the presidential candidate we yearn for, let us at best be voters and spectators of desire, alert, cautious, passive but not inactive as our passions sway here and there. We must not betray our electoral passions with electoral meshugaas or any thought of them. We must be ever watchful and obey the rules of our electoral wariness underscored in our unswerving wishes which shall not call into question the positive desires of our electoral commission. Indeed, we must take no notice of electoral schizophrenia governed by screwy thoughts and ideas which are ostensible meshugaas whose names must not bite our lips and hearts tomorrow (or on any election day). Disobey this special command and order at your own special peril.

Why is this necessary to be stressed here? The other day I read that some senior officials, including at least a minister and a governor of the ruling central government, have warned the United States, the United Kingdom and other Western countries and agencies, groups, organizations, poll observers and monitors not to meddle in our country’s internal affairs. Suddenly the Western powers and super-powers have become neo-colonial meddlers and super-meddlers in our country’s concerns all because they have advised and insisted that our tomorrow’s presidential election (and other elections) should not bring chaos to our country. A governor was even alleged to have said, or, better stated, to have boasted, that any foreign meddler in our internal electoral process would return to his or her home country in a body-bag. Any act of meddlesomeness shall result in the meddler or meddlers being put in a body-bag or in body-bags. By gosh, what goose bumps has this boast not caused some of our patriots, who are real patriots of our country!

Have our central government and ruling party utterly forgotten so soon their romance with the Western powers and super-powers? All the requests for different kinds of aid ranging from humanitarian and financial to economic ones and thence to educational, technological, medical, agricultural, political and military ones, which have characterized their relationship with us in the endeavour to make our country a marvellous part of the progressive global comity of nations, what have become of them? Do we want to eat and un-eat at the same time? Are members of our central government and dominant party reprobates? And why can our president not demonstrate proof of his superiority politically and otherwise by abrogating the electoral meshugaas of his key men who erroneously admire themselves as our president’s menschen?

Now, the news has since flapped in relating to America’s ex-President Bill Clinton’s declination to visit our country for our election of tomorrow especially. In fact, he was expected to deliver a key-note speech that would have helped to provide a principal weapon against our prospective warring electoral gladiators. Did the American intelligence agency responsible for such matters reveal to him the strategic manoeuvres that for years have negatively defined our politics? Perhaps the territorial manoeuvres would be intricately uncontrollable to the extent that Clinton might no longer feel political tenderness for our dear country and his political friends whose political desires delight him no more? Whatever we may think, Clinton does not want to nurse a nervous breakdown which tomorrow’s presidential election may generate in him and in many of our compatriots. And he does not want to return to America in a body-bag. Or?

Personally, I see tomorrow’s presidential election as a lavish political cuisine regardless of its outcome. All of us shall notice without fail the gustatory hallucinations that govern this year’s presidential electoral meal. And our personages of electoral meshugaas within and without the central government and ruling party will not relish this meal. And our kooky cooks will be kooky cooks no more. May God bless tomorrow’s presidential election to usher us into a new political cycle. The masters of meditation and contemplation endorse these thoughts. The rest is silence. Perfect silence. Fragrant silence. Silence without extravagance.