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Readers’ impressions of Ngige – ASUU’s anguished ambusher

By Tony Afejuku
29 July 2022   |   3:55 am
I am setting aside today some of my further impressions of Chris Ngige. Based on what discreet inquiry yielded me, I can affirm authoritatively here that Dr. Chris Ngige is an anguished man and ASUU’s sworn ambusher.

Minister of Labour and Employment, Dr. Chris Ngige. Photo/Twitter/LabourMinNG

I am setting aside today some of my further impressions of Chris Ngige. Based on what discreet inquiry yielded me, I can affirm authoritatively here that Dr. Chris Ngige is an anguished man and ASUU’s sworn ambusher. His sensations are sensations I will not want to resuscitate further for now. I am instead yielding the column to readers who have been generously reading me from diverse places including Florida in the USA. I am going to quote verbatim those who authorized me to quote them. Those I am not going to quote word for word may be paraphrased here. Those I may not paraphrase will be mentioned with dignity and recognised and respected accordingly. Why should the columnist not give even the little-lest recognition to those who honour him by reading him as persons enjoying his slices of dry toast which they enjoy after dipping them in cups of coffee or tea all flavoured with flavourables?

The selected readers’ (known and unknown, including those who wish to be anonymous) impressions of Chris Ngige after reading my column of last Friday induced in me sensations that were in no way devoid of sensations of extraordinary orange-blossoms, radiance and delightful delight. Let me share them with you.

Dr. (Mrs.) Gladys Ikhimwim, Dr. (Mrs.) Stella Omonigho, Prof. (Mrs.) Ngozi Illoh, Dr. Frank Ikpomwosa all of University of Benin, Dr. Tayo of Florida and other readers through their calls and written messages that fed well my happy hours. Now some un-forgettable ones:

Dr. (Mrs.) Ngozi Illoh – I celebrate and salute you, Sir. You have mesmerized the Okija High Priest turned Minister of Conciliation! Ah! I don’t pity him! We give you our standing ovation, our intellectual columnist.

Dr. (Mrs) Stella Omonigho – “Senator busy body …” You are not a nice fighter oh! You have summarized Ngige! I am laughing healthily. I can’t stop doing so.

Anonymous reader: “You’re our quintessential mouthpiece. This your piece is one masterpiece l am not in a hurry to drop or forget for in it you’ve not only troubled Ngige, our (ASUU’s) troubler but have also given our leaders and negotiators some strong arguments to hold on to. Thank you, thank you and thank you.

Dr. Emmanuel Adeleke (UNIBEN) – My only worry is that Ngige does not read newspapers. He not only de-marks himself, he, unwittingly gives his race a bad name too. We have a solidarity group for one of the presidential candidates. The few voices of dissent against this presidential candidate from Ngige’s side are dissenting because of Ngige. They keep saying “Look at Ngige and see the typical Igbo man.” I wish the Eze of his clan will just call and advise him.

A Professor of UNIABUJA – It’s finished. And Ngige is gone! Alexander Pope of Nigeria! Yours is the modest essay of a century. I may not read a finer piece in any newspaper. This piece is sent to our Department platform and that of the Faculty and to more than ten notable sites and scholars worldwide….” This is a masterstroke in a country with ears. Let’s start investigating Ngige…. I greet you the more for your eloquence and attributions.

Benin Teacher and Parent – Brilliant piece that exposes the deceit of the man from Alor community and at the same time galvanized motivation for ASUU to engage government with researchable facts for decent living wage because decent living is not the exclusive property of politicians and their cronies in the judiciary.

Professor Ademola Dasylva (University of Ibadan) – Uhmmm, redemption song, sure! TA, I believe you, sooner than later, the intelligentsia and the oppressed in the land shall surely sing the redemption song in the land with or without mischievous interlopers like Ngige! Many thanks for the weekly spirit-warming masterstroke. Keep on the good work.

Professor Ibrahim Bello-Kano (Bayero University, Kano) – Dear TA, The Linguistic Molock, Your column is a Masterpiece of Sarcasm and Sardonicism. Your cruel, merciless, devastating, prose strikes the heart like Russian supersonic Khindjal Missile. TA, I think you’re a merciless De-constructor of the Real, including men who appear on TV Air interviewed by two pretty ladies, just like the two ladies dressed in Black Wool in Conrad’s Heart of Darkness. Anyway, let me get on with my comment on Ngige, the Ingigel of Errors. My psychoanalytical studies of Freud and Lacan, and literary-critical reading of characters in Greco-Roman and Mesopotamian fiction, my reading of the poetry of Neruda and Edward Taylor, my observation of human nature across the globe, especially of a place called Alor, my psycho-linguistic training (Paul Grice), my study of the philosophy of mind (Davidson, Dennette, Putnam, Lycan), my interpretation of Greek tragic drama (Sophocles, Euripides) – all this has led me to conclude via sound observation and symptomatic reading, even via my study of reader-response hermeneutics (Habs, Jauss, Iser) that Dr. Ngige from Alor is A NARCISSIST and a MEGALOMANIAC. He thinks very highly of himself, despite being Vertically Challenged; he thinks he has got massive cosmic intelligence, the kind we see in the Andromedia Galaxy: he thinks he is the Secret Author of the Canon, he prides himself as the Wise Man of Xhinhua, a reincarnation of the Wise Confucius; Ngige, in sum, thinks that he is the Actual, Real Sitting President of the FRN, that Potato orbiting the Planet Daurano. Perhaps Ngige, the “Ingigel of Horrors,” is correct despite his cosmic faults: he loves ASUU so much that he dreams the dream of a Master who needs, in Hegel’s hermeneutics, a Slave in order for him to dream the dream of Megalothymia. Up Ngige, the Gatekeeper of a Rotten, Ruined, Rascal Castle, the Castle in Kafka’s The Castle. Salut/Salute to a Decoud in Conrad’s Nostromo. He should be dancing. Ngige should be dancing, yeah!

Professor Andrew Igho Joe (UNIPORT) – Nice piece. I am compelled to think that many people that are short in height have a complex and this is called “Napoleon Complex” and Chris Ngige depicts this.

Professor Agharese Osifo (Ambrose Ali University) – There was a Titanic bombardment of the midget, mediocre, lackluster minion and I will not want to use my sledgehammer and catapult to consign him to the dungeon of oblivion. Thank God that the meat in the ASUU struggle is almost done and ready to satiate our appetite. Bon appetite; and Gracia to you for the helluva and Herculean work on behalf of ASUU in your highly celebrated column, O first-rate columnist without dispute! You are the best!

Dan Ejodamen – Senior Civil Servant – You have made it clearly clear, or crystal clear that Ngige’s redemption song is quite different, or differently different from ASUU’s redemption song. No more, no less. He cannot destroy our public universities. We believe in ASUU. Thank you, Sir.

A Journalist and Columnist – Fantastic! Ngige is a huge disappointment to humanity. As he is brief in stature so is he brief in decency. May 2023 is here and we shall all see how it ends for him. ASUU, as you advised, should not ask for anything, any emolument, less than nine million naira per month for a professor. This is a mission to protect the future of this nation. You are a columnist of columnists!

Anonymous ardent reader – This is a wonderful article that diminishes the diminutive Ngige, who deserves what you gave him. Your use of words makes me happy. More importantly, your article got the spot it deserves in Google Top Stories of the day worldwide (as always).

Need I say more? Certainly not! But I must tell the one and only Ngige that he and his cohorts and masters are racing against time. What an anguished ambusher from Alor! You have lost your sense of time. Thunder!!!

Afejuku can be reached via 08055213059.