A Lasting Attraction

“AND Dinah, the daughter of Leah, which she bare unto Jacob, went out to pee the daughters of the land.

“And when Schechem, the son of Hamor, the Hivite, prince of the country, saw her, he took her and lay with her and defiled her.

“And his soul clave unto Dinah, the daughter of Jacob, and he loved the damsel and spoke kindly unto the damsel” (Genesis 34 vs. 1-3).

Dinah was a damsel. She was in vogue. She was not out of place, when compared with the daughter of the land. She was a girl a man would want. But she had more.

Schechem had sex with her, defiled her and couldn’t walk away. I am sure Schechem was that kind of guy who wants to have a feel of ever growing young girl in the neighbourhood.

In fact, if you just relocated there, he looks out for the young, naïve, innocent girl. But when he met Dinah, he desired her beyond sex. He wanted her for a wife. He didn’t insult her or call her for a wife.

If you read the whole story, you will see that the brothers of Dinah requested that at his age, he would circumcise; not just him, but the whole of their kindred.

That was the price Schechem was willing to pay for a girl, who supposedly fell cheaply … a one night stand. Why was it so? What was it she did that separated her from all others?

It is disheartening when I hear or read stories of couples who say they are no more attracted to each other. What was attractive the first time? What was it you saw or felt? Why are we so insecure when we see our spouses with others? Do we not think this other person has something that will pull affection and passion from our spouse?

Let’s consider what really attracts people to others. Physical look and appearance.
“… for the Lord seeth not as man seeth; for and looketh on the outward appearance, but the Lord looketh on the heart” (1st Samuel 16 vs 7).

God warned Samuel not to get influenced or drawn by appearances. But people (men) judge outwardly, what is seen. That is why the saying is popular- “first impression lasts.”

First impression may matter, but it is never the real thing. A smart person looks beyond first impression. Natural physical endowment is an advantage for seeking life partners, friends and even leaders. I have heard people vote a person because of good looks. It is not a crime, I is just natural.

As a matter of fact, the Bible says this of Absalom. “But in all Israel, there was none to be so much prayed as Absalom for his beauty. From the sole of his foot even the crown of his head, there was no blemish” (2nd Samuel 14 vs. 25).

That is how attractive he was, but he rebelled against his father (David) and plotted a coup that drove David to exile. His look was inviting.

How long cans a beautiful appearance last? How long will we live? Will we always be young, strong and fire? What will make someone stay with us even when we don’t win beauty contests or no more look sexy?

More so, I think getting sexually attractive by someone’s look is just fantasy. You can have orgasm with just anyone who knows how sex should go. To really be sexy and satisfying in bed has nothing to do with some of the things we think, like penis size, boobs or whatever physical structure.
Behavioural attraction

There are certain ways of behaving that make people fall in love with you or become attracted to you.

“And it was so, that when any man came nigh to him to do him obeisance, he put forth his hand and took him and kissed him. And on this manner did Absalom to all Israel that came to the king for judgment.

“So Absalom stole the hearts of the men of Israel” (2nd Samuel 15 vs. 5 -6).

Many times, we have ‘fallen in love’ with people because they greet us, hug us and show plenty of courtesy. And there is nothing wrong with those things, except that it may not last. Some people have fallen for cheap flattery and nice talks. They are good, but are manipulative.

There was a man Jesus had a discourse with, who said he had kept all the commandments from his youth. And the Bible said ‘Jesus loved him.’ Sometimes, we love a lady and want to marry her because she is a virgin. We behave that if she were a virgin when we met her, she would be a saint in the home.

How wrong we can be! For that young lawyer, Jesus put his moral history to test, and he failed.

That someone is a virgin does not mean that the person will guarantee happiness in the marriage. That the man doesn’t flirt when you met does not guarantee he will be kind, loving and faithful.

People change their behaviours. Character is not in born; it is cultivated. Bad behaviour can be learnt.
There were things I never believed I would be able to do in all my life as I was growing up. I was so sure I won’t do wrong, but honestly made damnable blunders.

Only God had mercy on me. If you get attracted to people because of how they smile at you, buy you gift or how often they call you on phone, etc, you may be binding a relationship on the wrong premise.
Intellectual and emotional attraction

Some people believe that there is a ‘spiritual’ connection between people that makes them come together.

Most people are looking for that chemistry, be it emotional or intellectual.