“I can see you have started tweeting”
“Of course, I am in a place where Twitter is not banned’’
“You guys abroad are lucky, things are happening here in Nigeria”
“ Nigerians complain too much, even if you bring Angels to rule, you people will still complain”
“My brother at least they have not put padlocks on our mouths yet. Meanwhile are you following Big Brother Nigeria Season 6?”
“I am a very busy man and don’t have time for frivolities’’
“Ah sorry o, hardworking Professor, we that are jobless and unserious will watch it. Madam is happy that I watch it with her; we now have something to talk about you know. My guy, truthfully I am watching it because of one very fine girl in the house called Maria. She is the main reason why I watch the show. That girl fine pass mammy water. I pray they don’t evict my eye candy; she is the epitome of beauty and brains”
“ I can see you are truly jobless and hope your missus finds out the reason you watch the show with her”
“That is not possible, double 007 like me. I have been playing the song Maria Maria on repeat. Luckily for me, madam likes the song too. She doesn’t suspect that Maria is my favourite in the house. I told her the girls in the show are not very impressive. So she would never suspect that my heart beats for Maria.”
“You are a useless man, you need help, anyway even if the organisers bring Beyoncé to the show, I will not watch’’
“You are not the target audience. Your work is to renew a cable tv subscription. In fact, I saw a message on Instagram for people like you who don’t watch the show’’
“What is the message?’’
“Let me quote verbatim: For those matured people who don’t watch BBN, please take care of the country for us, fight for Nigeria, be patriotic citizens. We will be back after 3 months to join you in the fight.’’
“See the smile on your face, obviously a message endorsed by a lazy adult like you, I don’t find the message funny’’
“My friend you need to change your perception. The youths are not lazy. Many are very talented and hardworking; they are disrupting industries with innovative ideas, technology, and solutions from Yaba to Abuja. By the way, have you heard about the lead sponsors of the show?”
“Abeg wetin concern Abgero with overload? What about them?” “Thriving companies run by young people in their 30s”
“Good for them, what about the youths who post stupid comments from smartphones on social media?”
“You have the good, the bad, and ugly in every society. But I think we are too judgemental about these youths. Despite the obstacles and difficulties, lack of enabling environment, some of them have made giant strides in entertainment, technology, and finance. Entertainers like Burna Boy, Wizkid, and Davido are great ambassadors for Nigeria. They have done more for the country than some of your elected representatives. Look at the guys at Paystack and Flutterwave…’’
“Okay youth ambassador, or do want to claim you are a youth too at over 45?’’
“Yes, I am a youth too, after all, haven’t we seen a case where a 60-year-old man is the youth leader of a party? Have you forgotten the story of the community represented by old men and women in a meeting for youths? As long as money will be shared, we are all youths’’
“I remember that story, Lol”
“See you are a youth too, you just said lol”
“Well I am young at heart and also understand some yuppie slangs”
“See old man, young people don’t say yuppie. You are still in the 90s; you need one nice university student to bring you up to speed with current slang”
“ Now you are talking”
“Okay I will tell my PA to find you, one correct girl, from Akoka’’
“I can see you are not a good friend. I don’t need your services any longer. Thanks but no thanks’’
“Are you afraid? Meanwhile, did you hear what that pastor in Ogba said about …” “Shh! Don’t go there please; I don’t want trouble, Big Brother is watching”
“You are foolish man, you will not kill me with laughter. I will call you later, let me go back to watching Big Brother Nigeria.”
