Friday, 9th June 2023

Single At Yuletide

By Alita Joseph
18 December 2009   |   10:00 pm
TESSY and joy and had so much fun. It did not matter that there were no men in their lives. They even sneered at the thought that men would have to be with them before they can enjoy themselves.

But that was before Tessy met Eddy about four years ago. Many had thought it would not last. But they surprised everyone when they got married.


Joy did the same thing two years ago, and although the two holidays she spent alone had not been so bad, it was still a relief when she met Bob in February and knew the best Valentine ever. She naturally looked forward to spending the Yuletide in Bob’s company but from out of the blue, he announced that he was travelling to the village to spend the holidays. His plans did not include taking along a woman his family had not met, he explained apologetically.

There is no denying the fact that life sometimes appears unfair to single people at celebration times. It is a period that the thought comes that although you may have achieved some things, you still feel inadequate because you have not quite done it all. In the exchange of best wishes at Christmas, you may feel that you do need someone to make you feel whole before you can become a part of all that spreading of goodwill. But it does not really have to be so. Psychologists think romance is blown out of proportion at Christmas. It is this exaggeration that puts the test on the single person. It is a period of goodwill all right, but you do not have to dangle a partner to enjoy it. Spread love and you will receive love. That is how you can survive this period.

Below are areas that have proved especially challenging to the unattached and the solutions proffered:

At The Party

Formal parties are boring, everyone knows, but it tests the patience when you arrive unaccompanied and the only single one among married people who probably because of the holiday have rediscovered themselves, rekindled their love lives and are happy for it. You can not fit in with their banter because you are not married.

Being single should not stop you from enjoying yourself. Instead of feeling left out, be cheerful and face the party with a free mind. If you show that you are lost and unhappy, your host would misunderstand your discomfort to mean that you are lonely, and may see it as a duty to give you a partner on the spot. And what is the assurance that the match would be someone you even care to spend one minute with? You are not desperate enough to spend an evening with someone you would not care about. Appear as if you are having fun. Chat with people, flirt, but do not give the impression that you are interested in taking another woman’s husband. Be jovial, make conversations that engage everybody. Make them understand that you came alone because you enjoy meeting new people.

The Urge To Procreate

For some reasons, it is also a period that has been found to make people want to marry and start a family. Probably as a result of families coming together, but it is a time that men want to marry and propose.

Said Nonye: “I met Bisi, an accountant, on a December 22 when festivity was heavy in the air. It was at Race Course, Lagos. The way he came all over me was scary, so I refused to see him at a time. But could you imagine my surprise when I saw his wedding photographs in the papers. I wondered if he was rushing to propose marriage to me or if he already had the bride and was developing cold feet when he saw me. But what I have noticed is that when you really want to marry, you travel home in December and you will find a husband”.

Women, it has been found, want to have children at this time. Rather than acting on the urge of the season by marrying the wrong person just to have a child, borrow other people’s children and take them out to fun places. It will satisfy the urge to give birth temporarily and at the same time tell you that having children is not an easy task.

Longing For The Past

Christmas brings sentiments of times past. You want to get in touch with old friends. It is also true of old flames. But when you do decide to call up an old flame, make sure you do so for good reasons. It may be that you miss the good times and not necessarily him, so remind yourself why you broke up and also think of the meaning of getting in touch again. If you want to wish him a happy festival, go ahead but if you feel more than greeting him, ask yourself if he will possibly reciprocate. If not, do not bother. Do all you can not to think about him.