Can A Relationship Survive Without Sex?
HE was in shock as he narrated his story. He could not believe that he heard right. According to him, he met this woman and liked her. After several years of being single again, he thought he could try his hand in matrimony once more.
He is divorced and had not been encouraged to try again-until he met her. He had studied her for sometime before proposing, he maintains, with a deep frown “why should she said that’? He asked. He is deeply troubled that the woman he perceived as well brought up; so he said; she is a good cook and has this charming smile and a hearty laughter that echoes “in one’s heart”.
His disappointment is that the lady did not mince words to put forward her own expectations. He did not say what other things she expected, but he has hanged on to the fact that she bluntly said that if he fails short of what she wants in the bedroom, she would look outside. “Why should she say such a thing? He asked again.
I did not know the woman or he would not want me to know who he was so upset about- that is what I think. But what I thought was that she probably was not his match. While he married before, she has not, but which is not a reason to turn down a marriage proposal.
I thought that while the man may think that he is smitten, that the young woman does not feel a single movement where he is concerned. It may also be considered that she does not want to try to heat it up where he is concerned and so chose to let him down in such a manner.
It is also possible that she has misinterpreted her admirer’s patience to wait until honeymoon to show his inadequacy. It is also possible that he is a non-performer and she is frank to call it quits and not hurt him or make them both unhappy later.
But what is worrisome is that the man echoes the taboo that is attached to sex. He tends to think that what he gives his wife should be enough for her, his own need is what counts. Lucky man, we say. But:
Why Is Sex Important In A Relationship?
Some people may answer that it is the result of pro-creation which ensures the birth of children. But if pregnancies can be hidden, it is possible that few couple if any at all would admit that the act is present in their lives. That is how much we fear it.
But it should be stated that the very young are protected from the act to guard them from the consequences like teen pregnancy, having multiple partners from ill advised relationships, the damage to the body and mind. Apart from teaching the young the benefits of not indulging too early, grownups should be free to decide why they choose whom they marry.
If you visit divorce courts you may find that lack of sex in a marriage is a major reason for divorce. Instead of complaining, a man should be glad unless he has a problem with his sexuality. But why not tell her so that she knows early and both work at it before it becomes an issue. He would not be happy that she looks for satisfaction elsewhere and she would feel guilty. They would not be making a satisfactory union. That time is gone when a woman is not expected to be aware of her sexuality. It is thought that she takes what her husband gives without complaining, without asking for more.
That is not saying that unfaithfulness was not possible on the part of the woman. But the good thing is that the woman can now choose not to be unfaithful in her relationship by maintaining a satisfactory bonding with her spouse. She can say what she wants and he likes her active participation too. Why should he feel that he commits a crime with his better half?
A woman has been brought up to believe that her responsibility is to keep the home happy. But it is also the man’s duty to help her by reaching out to her; it can be a way which makes her feel connected. He should not force her to accept his shoddy performance because he is a man. If he senses that her demand level is abnormal, they should seek medical help together.
From the psychologist point of view, sex when practiced in a relationship is good for our mind and general well being. If you have no sex or your union has degenerated to total abstinence, you are just friends. If you feel you are close, the absence is not enough to describe your marriage as intimate. Even when you tell yourselves you are okay, some aspects of your life are being neglected. If you want a long time relationship where sex is involved, you will have to trust your partner and feel appreciated by him so that when you share, you feel one with each other.
Abstinence is the most effective birth control and should help maintain a good sexual health but married adults should strive to put it back in their lives. If one person does not want it and expects a partner to go along, it may mean that the person has issues of avoidance, control and power. Unless there is a genuine reason like culture or medical reasons, a good relationship should include healthy sexual relations.
If you agree to this arrangement, you need to work on yourself too. Partners who think that there love will take care of everything have agreed to putting their needs on hold or banishing them entirely; they discover that it does not work as the relationship progresses.