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Mofeto, virgins and other stories,

By Sam Umukoro
09 July 2022   |   1:32 am
“HOW are you, my guy?” “I am fine brother, still recovering from the Mofeto Church shindig last night “ “Ah, I see you have joined that church of billionaires led by the Chief Tailor of Ethelbert’s Clothing, who also sells recharge cards during day; isn’t there a controversy about the leadership of Mofeto Church?” “Please…

Umukoro

“HOW are you, my guy?”
“I am fine brother, still recovering from the Mofeto Church shindig last night “
“Ah, I see you have joined that church of billionaires led by the Chief Tailor of Ethelbert’s Clothing, who also sells recharge cards during day; isn’t there a controversy about the leadership of Mofeto Church?”
“Please I am not interested in church controversy, I only attended their service in GRA to ‘bam bam and chill with the big boys”

“Lol, anyway how does one become a member? It looks like a church for only multi- millionaires and billionaires? Do they have beautiful choristers?’’
“Ah, see your life, you want to attend service because of beautiful choristers, Lol”
“Meanwhile have you heard about the church that now gives certificate of virginity?”
“No, I haven’t, please let me hear the gist”
“According to the report, to promote chastity among young women in the society, the church located in Durban South Africa conducted a virginity test and awarded certificates to the successful ladies.”
“Hahaha, this is hilarious! Please how is the test conducted? Who are the examiners? How are marks awarded?”

“Be asking JAMB questions there. Reportedly, the ladies really look forward to the event every year. Here is even what you will find more amusing: the test is usually conducted in the middle of every year, so the certificate issued becomes invalid by the middle of next year when another virginity test is conducted by the church.”

“Hahaha! A big congratulations to the successful ladies, I hope someday the examiners would not be compromised. And pray, why are they not testing young men in the church too.”

“That is not my business, in fact I want to join the church and become an active member of the Testing Department”
“You are past redemption, my friend, you need salvation.”
“Exactly, that is why I want to go to the church in Durban to seek salvation of my soul”
“I have given up on you.”
“You can’t my guy, you are stuck with me for life. Anyway, this news is unrelated, but I must share the gist with you. Did you read about the yahoo apprentice rescued just before being used for ritual by his boss for being an unsuccessful scammer.”
“Did this happen in Durban too?”

“This happened in Abuja. According to the report, operatives of the Economic and Financial Crimes Commission (EFCC) rescued the alleged kidnapped scammer after he contacted the agency via its official twitter handle. Following the alert on twitter, the agency swung into action and located him in a suburb in the Federal Capital Territory, where they found him locked in a room.”
“I am impressed with the quick response by the agency, it is commendable.”
“It is indeed commendable. Now, my last story before we end our conversation. Did you hear about the driver who lost a job offer for sending inappropriate message to his new employer?”
“No, I didn’t, please I am all ears.”

“The driver on successful completion of the interview process, sent a message to his female employer: ‘Hey Damsel, I’ve been thinking of you.’ Is that not crazy?’’
“Lol, as they say on social media, people who are normal in the country are not more than five.”

“I agree my guy. Look at the madness on the road. Recklessness and bedlam! An America journalist opined that ‘drivers in Lagos regard red lights as annoying suggestions. What about the drivers at the helm of affairs? Their actions and inaction sometimes make you wonder if we live in a sane society.”
Follow @samuelumukoro on Twitter

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