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Don’t know if it’s the best but, I am willing to risk It




Eight years ago, I started an affair with a married man with two kids. I’d known him for a couple years, he was my ex-husband’s friend and I was a friend to his wife. I knew their marriage was one of conscience for the kids.

There was always chemistry between us, but held back because we were both married. After my marriage, things changed between us; we started talking on the phone all day everyday, meeting up for ‘lunch’ and whenever, we couldn’t get enough of one another; the sex was amazing and so was he.

After my divorce, I dated some, being he was married but no one could hold a candle to this man. So I stopped trying to date and just ‘dated’ him. For two years he was my everything; I craved for the time we’d get together. We still talked on the phone all day every day, meet up at least once a day, and three nights a week. He was mine.

I felt bad for doing this with a married man, but being I was once a friend with his wife. I knew their marriage was one of convenience, but also knew that he loves his kids very much and didn’t want to be without them. I understood that, so I let myself become someone’s third choice, which I said I’d never do but this man made me feel like no other man ever had. He was so loving, charming, so funny and we were also best friends! I loved this man so very much, but after three years I finally realised I wasn’t getting any younger and he was never going to leave his wife because of the kids. So I ended it and started dating someone and five years later we are still together, I love him and he’s so good to me but I don’t feel for that spark I still Have with the other guy.

We stayed in contact which I know was wrong but like I said we were best friends as well. I finally after six months after our breakup I quit having contact with him and focused all my energy into my new guy, but he was still always on my mind!! I moved away thinking that would help, but it didn’t; he never is far from my mind. So to get to the point after a year of us breaking up I see him again and find out he and his wife have broken up. I couldn’t believe it had actually happened and then I was stuck in the relationship I was in.

Two years ago, he moved about 3-4 hours away when he was offered an awesome job. We still talk not as much as used to, being it’s so hard to be so far away and I’m still in my relationship. He’s come home a few times over the years and we always get together, I just can’t help wanting to be with him. The feelings are still there; he still gives my butterflies and has been asking me to move with him. I don’t know what to do. I love my boyfriend don’t get me wrong, but it’s not the same way I love him and the whole moving hours away and taking a chance with him wondering if it’s all going to work out and leave everything and everyone here for him.

So many what ifs, what if his kids don’t like me, oh yea by the way he’s got full custody and still puts his kids first, what if it doesn’t work out he’s been single for the last few years and I’m sure is using to going out and doing his own thing not being tied down and having to answer to someone else. And then what if he cheats on me like how we stared out. Do I leave everything I know and a man who does adore me to death for a man who just has my heart and makes me still feel that thing that I can’t find with no one else? Should I take a chance to be with this man who I love so much and can have that love you read about and hope it all works out and be happy or do I stay here and stay contented where I know I’m not going to get hurt.

He came down this weekend and it was once again magical! I didn’t want him to leave, have cried all day cause it’s just never enough time I always want more! So lost and confused, and torn on what to do; I’ve tried so many times to leave this man alone, but still after eight years he still holds my heart and he’s always on my mind and I can’t help myself. I know a lot of people would say I’m being stupid I have a great man at home, why would you still be talking to this other guy and I guess I think of I am being stupid but I guess the heart wants what it wants.

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