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Getting Over A Heartbreak

By Kemi Amushan
14 March 2015   |   9:27 am
THIS story is too familiar and we have all heard or been through it a million times. I just recently went through one and it has not been easy.

loveeee1** CopyTHIS story is too familiar and we have all heard or been through it a million times. I just recently went through one and it has not been easy. He is yet to realise I have moved on with my life. Usually, one party in a relationship is unhappy for whatever reason and so following a series of sad events, it ends. In my case, I started becoming unhappy with a lot of things he did and I just suddenly woke up and smelled the coffee and decided to take charge of my life and start becoming happy again. How many times have you had a relationship end, only to spend the following few days, weeks, months or for some, even years trying to figure out how, why and when it went wrong and what you could possibly have done to save it? What would you say if I told you that there is a really easy way to shorten the time it takes to get over the pain of a failed relationship? I am not saying that you will not feel anything at all (unless you are some kind of a robot), but it will definitely help you put things into perspective with regards to why you should not feel as though the success or failure of the whole thing rested on your shoulders or that there was anything you could have or should have done to change it. When I chat with some of my friends who are going through the end of a relationship, long term or short, I find that it absolutely helps to try to see things from the perspective of the other party. By that I mean, if you were a woman who loved to go out in a relationship with a guy who did not like to go out, and he did not want to date a woman who absolutely loved going out, the fact that we are talking about her love for hanging out is irrelevant. There is nothing wrong with the fact that she loves to. There is absolutely nothing wrong with her. It just so happens that the obsession with always hanging out is just something that he is not looking for in his life (as random as that sounds) and she needs to wrap her brain around not taking that too personally. It is not personal. It is what he wants (or does not want, in this case) for his own life. Period! Sometimes we think, “but my ex ended our relationship last month and he/she is already with someone else!” The thing is, who cares? Seriously, I know it sounds harsh, but let it go! It is not personal! Maybe that other person had some quality (whether or not we see it as a desirable quality, it does not matter) that your ex is attracted to. Whether that ‘quality’ is not what you posses, it does not matter. Do not take it personally. When a relationship ends, our first tendency is to internalise it. We make it about us, but it is really not about us. Understand that you were not put on this earth to make someone else ‘happy.’ Their happiness is about them. You are supposed to be the ‘icing.’ If they are not happy with you, it is about “them,” and I do not mean that in a negative way. I am simply saying that when we get into a relationship, we are hopefully getting what we each need from it and when the other person brings something that we are not necessarily fond of to the table, we look for something else. It is no biggie; it is not personal. That person with that ‘trait’ just isn’t what we are looking for, and that is ok. Sure, we will be disappointed at the prospect of having to bury whatever hopes we had for a future with that person and start all over again with someone new, but we need to see this process as one that is actually exciting, rather than a complete downer. It is not a big deal; it is not personal. Do not take it personally. To the loving relationship we all deserve, good luck in love and life. Cheers!