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Giving Him The “Benefit Of The Doubt”

By Kemi Amushan
30 May 2015   |   5:17 am
AS women it’s only natural for us to be understanding people. We are willing to give a guy we just met at a restaurant or at work the benefit of the doubt.
couple break up

Photo: venusbuzz

AS women it’s only natural for us to be understanding people. We are willing to give a guy we just met at a restaurant or at work the benefit of the doubt.

We think that if he shows interest in us, he’ll get around to taking the next step soon. If you are this type, then you need to understand men better.

Here are a few examples where you remain hopeful:
*When a man says he’s too busy to see you right now, you understand and wait patiently
*A new guy texts you every day, but doesn’t ask you out. That’s okay, you know he will soon
*A man flirts with you all the time at work, but has never asked for your number. He’s probably shy right…wrong.

The “benefit of the doubt” means there are reasons to doubt these men will ever take you on a date. Yet, due to your good nature, optimistic outlook, and somewhat limited understanding of men you extend what is called the “benefit of the doubt”. You figure he will probably come through for you at some point.

Dating is fraught with uncertainty. So, you do what you can to not seem impatient or demanding. You want him to see you as a nice woman who is understanding and in truth, that’s who you are anyway. But does the Benefit of the doubt help you find love faster or as a strategy in getting men, is it smart? More importantly, does extending the benefit of the doubt to the men you connect with help you find love faster? My answer to these questions is NO, IT DOESN’T HELP. In fact, it can totally slow you down when it comes to finding love.

In this case, being patient can be a bad thing. In general, patience is virtue and a fantastic element of your character. When you have patience, you don’t get flustered or upset by many situations. You have the admirable ability to wait and see and that is highly commendable, most of the time.

I am going to share a bunch of scenarios where your patience slows you down for connecting with the right man for you.
*When you meet a guy online or something and more than 10 days goes by without a first date.
*When you text for more than a week without setting up a date
*When he’s been flirting with you for months and has never asked you out
*When you have long, deep conversations by phone, but he doesn’t make time to see you
*When he asks for your number, but doesn’t call within a week or two

Every one of these dating scenarios involves a man who is lacking true long-term relationship potential. Trust me. You might think I’m harsh, but this is the cold, hard truth about dating and men.

If a man has genuine interest in you and wants to get to know you, he’ll get your number, ask you out and make time to see you. He is excited to get to know you. He wants to enjoy looking into your eyes. He wants a chance to kiss you sooner rather than later. A man who is truly interested will do what it takes to go on a date with you. And if he likes you, he’ll want to go on another date very soon after the first one.

You also need to know that attraction is not enough. The type of men who dawdle about taking their texting, emailing, phone calls, or flirting to the next level aren’t that into you. They may enjoy interacting with you and find you attractive, but aren’t craving a deeper connection, even if you think they do. Sadly, his attraction to you is not enough.

When you put yourself on hold for meeting other men, thinking a guy like this must want to date you, you are wasting your own precious time. A man who acts like this: May have a woman already, may not want a relationship but he knows you do, may not want to date anyone and may not want to date you.

The point is, go ahead and doubt these guys. They deserve your doubt and lack of confidence in their ability to deliver on the promise of love.

Now what should you do about a man who doesn’t ask you out? Drop him like a bad habit. Stop allowing him to string you along. Or, find other men to date in case you feel he might someday come around. However, do not under any circumstances avoid meeting new men because you think this situation will somehow turn into what you want which is a long-term, committed loving relationship with the right man for you.

When it comes to understanding men, if you want to find love faster, don’t get hung up along the way waiting for a dawdler. Liberate yourself to meet men who are ready for a relationship and want to date you live, in person and often. That’s how you can claim all the benefits for yourself and the man who loves you.
To our hapiness. Cheers.