I am married but having dreams about ex-boyfriend
I have been married for nearly a year, but i started having dreams about my ex.. At first, I thought they were just remnants from our long and intense relationship, and my subconscious still didn’t get updated to my new status. the dreams made me very uncomfortable, like I was cheating on my husband, i was very relieved to wake up without those dreams, and even more so when i had a dream about my husband, but those tend to be short and uninteresting…
Then, there was a pattern, each time im upset with my husband (even about the smallest things) i would dream about my ex.. and the dream would be reliving the time i had with him, or me asking him; would u get back with me after all this (me getting married) and he would say “of course” with a big smile that takes my heart, and i would feel at the top of the world..
We have been together for 4 years, and broke up for a couple of years before i met my husband..
When we were together, it was perfect, too good to be true, we were very similar and got along so well, we were very intimate also, and it was very comfortable
The problem was; his family did not want us to be together, especially if we r not married/engaged or anything.. they put him under so much pressure, and i understood the kind of pressure he was under.. for that reason, we broke up many times, tried staying apart, and resisted getting back together when we really wanted to..
he was still not ready for marriage – due to socioeconomic reasons, not because he didn’t want to.
We tried to be friends as to avoid this problem, but we would get drawn back again and couldn’t resist being together.
he comes from a very conservative family, and eventually became “numb” from all the pressure, he admitted that love is not enough to hold us together, there needs to be something more which we were not ready for at the time, so it is best to part ways, until that is possible, but he made it very clear that if I got into any other marriage proposal, I should go ahead ..
I feel that a part of the reason why i wanted to get married is to get the stability i never had with my ex, and to be in a “approved” and traditional relationship… i don’t know how to describe my feelings for my husband..
Lately, I cried myself to sleep cos I’m missing my ex. Why is this happening? Do i miss him? Do i still love him? (i think so).. Or do i just miss that phase in my life (young and carefree) with all the excitement and new things it brought. I really don’t know, I feel I am betraying my husband at some level, but will I get over this??
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