Saturday, 23rd September 2023

Aim For Meaningful Relationships

By Alita Joseph
06 March 2015   |   11:00 pm
PUT meanings in your relationships. It is what you give that you get. End a bad entanglement you think is a waste of time. Many of us have friends and loving relationships we think are of no help to us any longer, yet we continue to pursue them even when we are not happy. Look…

PUT meanings in your relationships. It is what you give that you get. End a bad entanglement you think is a waste of time. Many of us have friends and loving relationships we think are of no help to us any longer, yet we continue to pursue them even when we are not happy. Look closely now; if you have too many people in your life, getting along with them all will be difficult. Having too many people who cling to you does not make you loving; trying to meet up with their demands is stressful, especially when you do not seem to agree with everything you do.

   It is also difficult to choose a life partner if you have so many people; your admirers, potential suitors. Some people still have this problem; when others are looking for someone to say ‘hi’, they have so many that they find it difficult to choose; “I have two boyfriends/girlfriends. I can’t decide whom to go steady with because I love them both.”

  There is no need to cause disillusionment here because some men end up marring two wives or more or where a woman can marry more than one man and they all live together. But being happy is a different thing as is sustaining your double standard.

  The opinion, therefore, is that you look closely at your heartthrob/heartthrobs. Although they may seem to love you the same way now, but something always makes them different. As a friend points out, you should look at the one who behaves more naturally towards you.   

  According to her, a lover who is experienced-who has dated other people before or been in a long term relationship- believes that he knows what it takes to please a woman. But if he pretends just to get you, his true colour will come out sooner than you think because he will make a mistake. If he is not a generous person, he can’t hide it for so long. So when he asks and asks you for money, he never pays back even when you know he has it, ask yourself if he is the partner you want. 

  Domestic violence is a major issue, too, so watch out for someone you think feels angry unnecessarily; you may be right, you know. Yes he pampers you this minute, the next minute you are wondering if you have met with a tiger. Ask yourself some questions; if that behavior comes early in the relationship, he may hide his nature until you commit to him. So take that occasional outburst of anger as his real nature. He may be nice when he is sober, but you do not know what can happen when he is annoyed. 

 The one to commit to: Does his show of love comes so naturally and when you do not expect it that you find that you smile by merely thinking about him? When you think of the fun a few weeks ago, are you still laughing? 

 Problem though, is that you cannot say that he belongs to you completely even when you know that you long to make him your partner.

 Go ahead and make him yours, we are behind you. Follow these tried and tested methods to make him yours.

  First make him understand that you are his friend. Show interest in what he does; ask him questions about his life. Give the right answer when he speaks so that he knows that you hear and understand what he gets across. Make him confide in you; do not criticize; do not give any advice if he does ask for it. If you pay close attention to him, you will see that he wants to just talk; bare his mind to one he considers a friend. When he is worried and allows you into his deepest feelings, he believes in you. When he is in this mood, stretch a hand and touch him lightly, but do not give the impression that you console him.

 Stress that you love him for who he is and not his wealth; show love, but do not suffocate him with it. Remember that you are important in this relationship, so think of what you want, too, and ask yourself if he is capable of loving you back.

Be Yourself

If you disapprove of the company he keeps do not make his friends your friends. Tell him why you do not like them. He may not stop to associate with them, but you do not have to be with them. If you hate alcohol, but he drinks, maintain your taste and your dislike of them.

  Independence is important, allow him his space and insist on yours, too. If you don’t like his style of dressing, buy him what you think he should wear sometimes; he may take a hint and welcome your intervention. Do not make it an issue if he prefers his style. If you insist, he would think that you want take possession of him and change his person; he wouldn’t like that.

 Women overdo the relationship game things sometimes; play games, but know when to do so. It would be out of place when you want a man to commit to you. Show that you want to be serious with him and no other person; do not flirt with another man when he is close by. You are creating a doubt in his mind. Besides that, flirting causes friction, you do not need that now; argument would take precious time you need to discover your true selves. There are positive ways to discover an affectionate heart, just as there are ways you will know if he is wrong for you. Aim only for the positive things; the bad and the ugly do manifest earlier than we think.

  You can be the first to confess your love for him and if he cares for you, he will answer you in a man’s shy manner-showing you in little ways instead of saying it outright. Go ahead and use those magic words; if he feels the same way, he will show you. If “I love you” spells commitment he is not ready for, he will run from you.

  Take care about the one who wants to take you to his friend’s house; the friend who has been in America for months and whom you have never met, he is not for you; dump him.