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How To Date Successfully


WHEN you date, you have a good chance of meeting the partner of your dream. 

  That is the essence of dating-going out with someone who has attracted you and who you think that you could possibly know better. So the topmost in your mind is meeting a friend, not just meeting your future partner unless something tells you that you have. It happens in what is called love at first sight; two people look at each other and know that they are destined to be together for the long term; if it happens for you, you would not be bothering about searching for your missing part. 

   However, if you meet him and feel quite early that you could do better when it comes to choosing a life partner, you do not have to hang on, thinking that you can make him better. Why waste your time. When you meet the one who falls short, admit that you have no relationship and try again. You hear men say it all the time “Ol’boy I have been there, I saw something that discourages me; I do not think I want to go there again. He is blunt in his feelings and observation unlike a woman who thinks that having been asked, that it has to be a lifetime affair even when all the wrong signs are there at the first date.

    Accept dates from different men even at the same time, just as the men see you as a friend who they enjoy her company, they know that if they have not proposed marriage and you  have agreed, that you can’t be accused of being unfaithful. He is aware, that is why he dates other girls as well with the full knowledge that you date other guys because you want to have fun too. This sounds cold, but you should not wait until a man ends what you sense is not possible, leaving you empty and hurt.

    Before you settle down, you should be able to pick the one you want to marry, not the one who is available. Dating should be fun and if you have not promised a man anything, go out with as many eligible men as you meet, not the ones who are plagued by insecurities and are ready to spread discouraging rumours about you.

    Think of enjoyment only; that outing to the beach or club, men are simple; if they know that you like them for who they are and are not scheming for what they cannot give you, they will be your friends. To start, you would be the champion dater, the one sought after by men and the envy of your friends; do not take gifts that you cannot return, do not go to bed with your dates, he has not proposed to love you until parted by death, he is not a lover-he may not have shown any signs that he is there for long.

  He is therefore not a lover, he is just a friend. If you start taking big gifts so early or making to bed with one of your casual dates; that is what they are really, you are committing to them. And if one of them is not even right, how can you deal with so many of them at a time. That is the problem women face with dating; they think that once they have accepted to go out with a man once, they have to stick with him even when he is not good for any relationship.

   In your case however, stop when he feels wrong and feel confident to turn down subsequent dates with him.

Don’t Worry About Eligibility

Accept invitations from men. I had a friend who did this and I am yet to see among all of us who called her names in those days who can claim to have made a better choice in her relationship. The advantage of never thinking of whether this man meets your wish before dating him is that you could be pleasantly surprised. There you were thinking that he is not a serious person at all, but you go out one evening with the idea to have fun but discover that he has serious intentions and that you do want him by your side always.

     However, if in subsequent dates you find that you are not so sure again, ask yourself if it is worth your continuing with him after he has been so nice. If you see trouble ahead, he is not for you. Why do you want to shut down your life because of this? You are not his mother; you do not know how he got to be the way he is, be bold to tell yourself that he is not for you. You can’t change him, he on the other hand would never stay around to mould you to whom he wants in a relationship, if he sees a fault early, he would enjoy the evening, promising to call and may never do so. There are many fishes in the river, why waste time with an elusive one; that is the way men look at the dating game and expect you to see it that way.

   Discuss general topics: Talk about climate change.  The elections are here and men have come alive with anticipation, pick a topic from the news but be careful not to lose sight that you are on a date with enjoyment as the immediate end an eligible partner as the overall intent. Too much talk of this year politics may spoil a good evening, thank you.

    Don’t talk about relationships, past and present. Don’t ask him if it is ‘even possible’ that he has no other girlfriends. No other girlfriends? You are not his girlfriend so the question of ‘other ‘will send danger signals to him.  Do not ask why his relationship broke down; if he talks about it; listen because what you learn will help you to decide if you want to see him again.

Let It Mature

If you meet the one eventually, keep it under wrap for a while. You do not have to tell your friends about all the details. I had a friend who had the good luck to meet men all the time, but she would then come to all of us to announce the meeting and tell us everything the next day. The idea of announcing, she said was that nobody went there. We did not; even when he was previously a guy after our hearts; who wanted to go near Lara’s boyfriend?  But we found that her relationships did not last beyond the third month.

    Keep it close at the beginning, you do not know whom he dates among your friends; we discovered that one of our friends was close to his friends and shared our friend’s boasting with his own friend. The stories he made him run.

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