Friday, 22nd September 2023

Why Men Run Away

By Kemi Amushan
06 March 2015   |   11:00 pm
SOMETIMES it is very tough to make decisions. It can kill you or eat you up inside when making a very important one. Tell me, when making decisions; do you follow your heart, or your mind? My suggestion would be to make sure your heart and mind work together like a team, and not fight…

SOMETIMES it is very tough to make decisions. It can kill you or eat you up inside when making a very important one. Tell me, when making decisions; do you follow your heart, or your mind? My suggestion would be to make sure your heart and mind work together like a team, and not fight like enemies!

  I got a question for you ladies. Do you believe in love at first sight? Or is your experience more along the line of “Love at first fight?” They say when you are in love, the brain secretes chemicals like dopamine, making us feel that “special feeling” when we meet a guy we like. Is that not cool? After all, the brain and the heart have different functions, don’t they? But they start working like a team when you are in love.

 Truly, the feeling of attraction is the first stage of love. But here is the problem: our “feeling of attraction” is different from a guy’s “feeling of attraction.” To be exact, men are more focused on what a woman looks like initially while we are more focused on how men make us feel.

   Let me tell you a short story on how big this difference really is. Why our feelings can make or break our relationships.

   One of my friends is a 35-year-old woman who was once very happy with her love life. She was divorced, but she had everything a man wants in a woman – good looks, smarts, and career success. Best of all, she had a great new man in her life, and she was taking a shot on love the second time around. One day, one of her good friends lamented that her marriage had fallen apart. Her husband had just decided to break things off with her, leaving her alone and in pain. After hearing her friend’s story, the woman’s relationship with her boyfriend changed drastically. I wondered why.

  As she thought more about what her friend was going through, she thought about the possibility of it happening to her, too, in the future. And from being excited and inspired, she suddenly became withdrawn and doubtful. Her relationship with her boyfriend suffered, and the time finally came when she and her boyfriend broke up. What could have gone wrong? Sympathy.

 As human beings, we tend to sympathize with loved ones going through a rough time. Unfortunately, sympathy affects us a little too much, and we sometimes think our loved ones’ bad situation is also happening to us or is just waiting to?

  Do you have that kind of fear and uncertainty in your own love life? If you do, let us do a little analysis. Right now, for a few moments, think about what your ideal, most perfect relationship would be like. Pretty good, right? Now, think about your worst fears that could happen in your relationship. Did you feel a big change in your mood? If you did not, that is a good sign. It simply means you are strong enough to know that your negative feelings should never affect your relationships with other people, especially with the man in your life!

  But here is the thing: If you did feel a big change in your mood earlier, then you basically just felt what my friend felt and that is a bad sign, because the more you dwell on these bad feelings, the more you trick yourself into thinking they are real and happening right now, even if they are not!

 My friend made that mistake. She let her friend’s sad story affect her once-vibrant love life. It should not be so and I certainly hope you do not make her mistake!

Why Our Feelings Can Change Drastically In A Few Moments

 The thing is that what happened to my friend happens to most of us at some point in our lives. I will not lie that it has not happened to me before because it most certainly has. Men usually serve as a mirror for women. In my friend’s case, her change of perspective came between her and her new boyfriend.

 Back then, nothing was actually “wrong” in their relationship, until my friend heard her other friend’s sad story. It filled her with so much fear, doubt, and mistrust and it simply unnerved the guy.

 In the end, her boyfriend simply said, “I guess I am not ready for a relationship after all.”

 Now the really sad part is when a man gets serious with a relationship, he is really serious. As in, if you just give him enough time, he is going to take the relationship to the wedding aisle and beyond. Trust me.

 But when you start questioning the status of your relationship, it changes his perspective drastically and his first impulse is to just forget everything.

 In my friend’s case, her boyfriend was simply not ready to work hard for a woman who second-guessed their relationship.

 Fortunately, she realized her mistake and reconnected with her boyfriend and successfully, she got him back. So the crisis was averted!

 Today, they are back together and stronger than ever. She has a whole new positive perspective when it comes to relationships, now that she fully understands how he thinks and feels and now that she understands how love really works, now it’s your turn!

 If you have had trouble in your past relationships, too, then do not worry. You might simply have had bad experiences with men in the past or you have heard too many “horror stories” from your girlfriends and relatives, and you are scared that it might happen to you, too. In other words your fear has grown stronger than your love. Thankfully, “fear” is an easy enemy. All it takes to defeat it is knowledge. Forget the horror stories. Forget other people’s opinions. Forget the idea that “it might happen to you.” 

When you truly understand how love works, then a tidal wave of good things start to happen:

. You make better decisions in love.

. You inspire your man to work harder.

. You will be an expert at solving love problems.

. You keep the players and cheaters away.

. You will set higher standards for yourself.

. You will motivate your man to do more.

. You will have unbreakable courage and confidence.

. Other ladies will look up to you.

 . Your man will realize he would be crazy to leave you. And so much more!

 Defeat that fear today and stand up for yourself. Do what is best for you. You are in charge of your own happiness.

  To the loving relationships we all deserve, good luck in love and life. Cheers.