Preparing Your Teem For A Blissful Love Life
IF you ask some people how their relationships took shape, many of them may say they took a leaf from their parent’s love lives. Good or bad. And it we should not deny it that our parents shape our love lives before they took off. Just the other day, I listened as a teenage girl made fun of her mother who was taking ages to dress up. Her father was waited impatiently in the car; it appeared because at about five minutes interval the girl would call “sweet sixteen daddy is calling you o”.
To some people, she may appear forward, but I see her parents as giving her an insight into how a loving relationship should be; giving her examples without using many words. If our parents are happy in love, chances are that we will have blissful relationships because we have seen how they went through their lives. So would their break-up teach off springs to be careful not o repeat what they saw to be wrong in the parent’s lives.
But the important part which we tend to overlook is what their own parents show them early as they begin to show interest in the opposite sex. Many parents still find it hard to allow their children to date because they want to protect them from the ‘harsh’ realities of a love life. We feel that the nineteen year- old is too young to date; sometimes with serious consequences because although their minds are not prepared; they are curious and may see members of the opposite sex secretly, behind our backs.
You want to protect them from harm; they want to protect you from knowing that your baby is grown. enough to make his/her own choices. That choice may be totally wrong but if you handle the situation nicely, you will be able to judge and make them see reason. This is the time to be close to your daughter. She will confide in you when she becomes interested in a boy from her school and when you show interest she will inform you when he invites her on a date. How lucky you are! Laugh with her even if you scream inside.
There was this teenager whose father would not allow talking to members of the opposite sex because she was not doing well in school. But teachers and friends still knew her as preferring the company of males. After a turbulent relationship with her father, she married his friend’s son. “Their man as she called her ex. At the fifth anniversary and after two children, they were divorced. She may have made mistakes, herself, but she blames her father for her unhappiness.
It is true that parent’s mean well when they interfere in their children’s relationships-remember that they may have “fallen in love” at sixteen, some may still look back with embarrassment or horror at the then object of affections; parent know a girl especially could meet with a sexual predator for example and may not know the difference between love attention and being taken advantage of because is not experienced. Some women claim that parents find it difficult let go an offspring and give her out to another man in marriage. A friend said that about her after he turned away several of her suitors. In many cases however, they act out of real love.
But mothers and fathers, you know you will let your child marry at some point and not when she becomes a family issue because she “refuses to settle down” At teenage, she is on the way out of your life, prepare her. Dating does not mean that she will marry the first man who asks her out. If you are there when she brings her first date she will know she can count on you to guide her. Tell her what you want, your expectations. For example, who is she going out with? What is his name! How old is he? Ask her to leave his phone number before she goes out. Demand to know where they going; insist,; you should know that. Whom are they going with? Her Dress I took a teenager to a formal gathering recently. Her dress was a shock. Those tops with bra strap showing on a three-quarter cut trousers. I did not prepare her about what to wear. It was a war before she went to ‘change’ and came back wearing a transparent black blouse that still showed those white straps.
Make sure she is well covered it is difficult knowing that the date may turn up wearing trousers that falling out of his hips. But that will show where he is coming from. So be alert. Insist on him coming inside to pick her up. He should not call on the phone. Ask her how she feels about the date. If she feels nervous and may want to discuss her fears with you, listen and assure her. Greet the date, shake his hands and make eye contact. If he looks away and tries to withdraw his hands, you are making him uncomfortable and you are in control if he tries to overpower your handshake and meets your gaze with a cold look, he is challenging you.
Think if you should allow your innocent girl out with this man His Dress If he dresses too provocatively or too conservatively, he is presenting a false front. Age: Look at his face; listen to this choice of words to know if he is still a teen himself; her mate, not a man who is older.
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