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Teeth 4 teeth

By Justin Akpovi-Esade
16 October 2021   |   2:41 am
What started as a short Nollywood comedy skit penultimate Thursday at the popular Onitsha, Anambra State commercial hub, Upper Iweka, when soldiers forcibly dragged him from his van

Chiwetalu Agu. PHOTO: Vanguard<br />

Welcome Back,
Mazi Chiwetalu Agu, Welcome!

In the last couple of days, Nollywood veteran Chiwetalu Agu, don reach hell and back.

What started like a short Nollywood comedy skit penultimate Thursday at the popular Onitsha, Anambra State commercial hub, Upper Iweka, when soldiers forcibly dragged him from his van as he was “sharing 10, 000 naira bread to the poor and hungry” turned into a nightmare for the elderly actor.

Agu was accused of spotting a robe-like attire with the insignia of the proscribed Indigenous People Of Biafra, IPOB on it, an allegation the actor denied claiming his ‘designer’ garment was that of the ‘Rising Sun’.

The actor spent a day as a guest of the army and later the Nigeria secret police, DSS, gave him free accommodation for two more days. The Actors Guild of Nigeria, AGN secured his release on Tuesday. But the highlight of Agu’s ordeal was his denial of Biafra in a viral video at the army barracks. 

Baba nor even get mind. The whole world no say na Biafra attire you wear, yet you dey claim say na ‘Rising Sun’, wey nor get anytin to do with Biafra or Eastern Security Network, ESN. If you wan be activist for ya pipu, get mind and face the consequences. Small shaking, you don deny your cause like as Peter deny Jesus for bible. 

Broda Segun Odegbami, Be Calming Down!
ONE of Nigeria’s greatest football stars, Segun Odegbami, popularly called ‘Mathematical during his playing days, was all fired up when our national team, the Super Eagles, lost to lowly rated side, Central African Republic, CAR, in a World Cup qualifier in Lagos recently. The Eagles were beaten by a lone goal at the Teslim Balogun stadium in Lagos.

T4T was prowling the Facebook Timelines of stars and celebrities and rested on Odegbami’s where he saw the former football star (hope T4T won’t be fired for calling him a ‘former’ football player like dem fire one political appointee for calling one person ‘former’ Emir sha) spitting fire over the shock defeat. 

No name Odegbami did not call the players and coach for losing to CAR. He accused the present Super Eagles players of toying with the emotions of soccer-loving Nigerians.

Bros, only if you knew how you, yes, you and your set of Super Eagles (then Green Eagles) toyed with the emotions of most of us back in the day, you won’t be saying what you are saying now. For someone like T4T and his generation who have been diehard fans of the nation’s national team for over 35 years and till date have no foreign club(s) they support, you will now understand how many times you and your generation of stars broke our hearts and sent us to early bed after losing very important games.

So, cut these young lads some slack. T4T is not in a position to tell you how tricky, slippery and wicked football is, you are football itself. 

Well, thank God the Super Eagles took their pound of flesh in the return fixture by beating CAR two goals to nil. I hope that calmed your nerves a bit, sir.

That Scene In That Yoruba Movie…
AND so, T4T was watching this Yoruba movie titled Olengbadun during the week. 

Directed by Opeyemi Alao Captain and featured Tunde Usman and Niyi Johnson, there was one scene that was disturbing and made one wonder if it was okay to be eating bread in Nigeria again; that is for lovers of bread.

The scene was shot in a bakery and the main star, who was given a job opportunity there, resumed work for the first time that day. You needed to see the extras, who no doubt were real workers of the bakery slugging it out in the hot confines of the room as they mixed the dough. 

That is not the story. The three of them, men, were all bare-bodied and sweating heavily as they mixed the flour and ploughed it through a mill. None of them wore any headcover and the sweat was dripping like a mini river into the flour. The new staff (the star of the movie) took off his shirt too and joined in the festival of sweat.

Wait o, na so people wey dey eat bread dey eat sweat of people join? Well, e go tay bifor T4T eat bread again sha. Kuku he nor like bread like dat sef.

Can Someone Please Tell That
Actor To Always Have His Shirt On?

T4T is a lover of Yoruba movies. He enjoys them because he relates to the stories. So, T4T knows all the top actors in the industry, and Murphy Afolabi is one of them he enjoys watching in action.

And so, T4T was watching this movie titled Eji Owuro starring Afolabi and a female actor. There was this scene that required Afolabi to shed his clothes for a piece of the wrapper as it was shot in a shrine and a sacrifice was being performed by a priest. 

That was the first time T4T realised that Murphy Afolabi may not have been born (please, note the use of the word may o) into this world as a ‘yellow’ person. The telltale signs of someone who bleached his skin were evident as the camera roamed his body. The knees, knuckles, elbow… dem black pass charcoal and the rest of bros body dey yellow.

DISCLAIMER: T4T nor say Murphy Afolabi turn imsef to oyinbo o, but sha you go watch the film and judge for yasef. 

Burna Boy… Real ‘Role Model’ Of Present Day Youth Generation
T4T read in the news during the week where Afro-pop singer Burna Boy claimed EVERYBODY in Nigeria smokes Indian Hemp (Maurijuana) and so, the banned substance (in Nigeria) should be legalised.

Wow! That is so sweet.

How the young man arrived at that conclusion should be a PhD thesis, but truth is, one can guess that his outburst is not unconnected to an overdose of that stuff. 

And to think he is an artiste who is the brand ambassador of a popular brand of beer in Nigeria and a supposed Grammy Award winner (so T4T heard)! What a role model for these present Soro Soke youths. 

When a lawmaker last year claimed that 90 per cent of Nigerian youths are drug addicts, many people called for her head. Sebi Burna Boy don confirm am now.

Anyway, dear Burna, YOU smoke weed, and perhaps, your friends and band members do too, but not EVERYBODY in Nigeria smokes ‘Igbo’.