Wednesday, 1st December 2021
<To guardian.ng
Search
Breaking News:

Teeth 4 teeth…

By Justin Akpovi-Esade
20 November 2021   |   2:41 am
T4T was having a quiet evening earlier in the week when his mobile phone rang. The caller turned out to be one of Africa’s top celebrity fashion designers, Mudi.

Big Brother Naija 5

Mudi Is Very Angry…
T4T was having a quiet evening earlier in the week when his mobile phone rang. The caller turned out to be one of Africa’s top celebrity fashion designers, Mudi. 

Mudi did not even wait for T4T to finish greeting him in the traditional way since both of them hail from the same part of the country and is older in age…haba! His reason for calling must be very important then, so T4T waited patiently for him to pour out his mind.

Well, what got the celebrated designer very angry turned out to be a billboard announcing the premiere of a Nigerian film he saw in the Victoria Island area of Lagos that night. “I am not happy at all”, Mudi said, adding, “by now, one expected that Nollywood would have grown past this stage. But it seems practitioners are not moving forward.” 

At this point, T4T was forced to ask: “Bros, wetin really happen?” And Mudi replied: “Just check your WhatsApp, I send you one image. Tell me what you feel about the title of the movie.” 

T4T quickly checked his WhatsApp message and there was the billboard proudly announcing this film titled Charge and Bail. At first, the title elicited a chuckle, because one wondered how the producer(s) who could afford to put up a billboard in Victoria Island area of all places will give a film such an infantile title that was the in-thing when Nollywood started about 30 years ago. 

Some Nollywood movies title sha get as e be. You will find My Father’s Selfish Sister, Oh Mother, Why Did You Do This?, Kettle Calling Pot Black… after reading the titles of some our films, you don already sabi wetin dey inside the film, so no need to watch.

Anyway, bros, nor vex, make we jus leave wetin dem write for body of transport bus, make we enta, so far we reach wia we dey go.

Daddy Showkey Needs Help!
ONCE upon a time reigning Ajegunle ghetto music star, Daddy Showkey needs help. He does not need financial help, no, he appears to still have some money to be living the kind of life he wants to live. The help Showkey needs is this:

He needs someone who would be reading through whatever he wants to post on Social Media, especially Facebook, first, before he presses the send button.

Earlier in the week, he decided to go back to the ghetto with a camera to visit his former neigbours in the building he lived when he was still struggling and starving. Nice idea, but just read the caption of the video first. 

“I have to go to greet my people a my area where I leave”, Showkey proudly wrote. 

Can someone please tell Showkey that it is live and not ‘leave’, that is the right word to use in this context? 

Well, that was not the only error on that simple one line caption sha. Read for yourself and point out the rest. 

Do you now agree with T4T that Showkey needs a Special Adviser on Social Media Affairs? 

Na advise I give o, nor be quarrel o, una no say Ajegunle still dey Showkey bodi, and na former amateur boxer e be wen music never pay am…

T4T still love the way e face be for now.

Davido Overrates Himself
T4T was scurrying through Social Media and he came across a statement credited to one of the biggest music stars in Nigeria at the moment, Davido.

The young man whose music T4T loves listening to a lot was quoted to have said: “If I Run For Political Office, Nobody Will Be Able To Beat Me.”

Someone should tell Davido that politics, especially in Nigeria, is a different kettle of fish entirely. The large number of followers he thinks he has on Twitter, Instagram and Facebook nor get voters card. Na dem be the original Soro Soke ‘yoots’. They live all their lives on Social Media and they believe the old politicians should come to Social Media to dash them power because they are young. 

Davido, Davido, Davido, how many times I call you? Nor listen to dat voice inside your head pushing you to do politics. Nor be beta voice be dat. 

Ask fellow singer Tony Tetuila (and I heard 9ice even made an attempt too) what happened when he ran for a political office in his Kwara State. And if you can’t find Tetuila, call Yul Edochie, the Nollywood star and ask him how many votes he got when he contested as Governor in his small Anambra State four years ago. And to cap it all, ask the person who thought he owns both the media and Social Media, Sowore, how many votes he got when he contested for Nigeria’s presidency in 2019. And all of dem get millions of followers for Twitter o.

Maybe Davido was testing his popularity with the little fundraising stunt that saw fans donating over 140 million naira in 24 hours during the week. That was huge sha!

T4T is not trying to discourage you o Davido, far from it. So, I say, take the shot. Your story maybe different from others. GOOD LUCK!

Sorry Mr Comedian, You Can’t Have The Best Of Two Worlds
T4T ran into the story of a comedian called Cute Abiola who is currently being detained by the Navy authorities (as at the time of writing this).

Typical of a brash Mr Macaroni (a comedian too), who broke the news, like Cute Abiola was minding his business and the Navy authorities just grabbed him and dumped him in detention, he cleverly and mischievously did not add that the comedian was a Navy personnel! When did it become news if any arm of the armed forces decided to detain any of its personnel for internal disciplinary actions?

Well, if not for the detention of Cute Abiola, T4T never knew he existed and that he was even a comedian for that matter. And then, the Navy came out to say they had him in custody and it was an internal matter because the young man breached a certain Social Media code of service.

Well, Mr Cute Abiola, you cannot have the best of two worlds; you are either a comedian or Navy personnel. You cannot be both no matter how people like Mr Macaroni will encourage you to be. Armed forces na regimented life. Na wetin dem tell you to do naim you dey do. Na dem get you.

See me sef! Before you pass through training, you suppose don sabi all dese tins, so you nor need me to lecture you. Take a decision, drop their uniform and hit the street, if truly you feel comedy is your calling. But my brother, the comedy industry don full o and nor be say you be Ali Baba or Basket Mouth already. WISE UP!

Between Gulder Ultimate Search And Big Brother Naija
T4T was searching through TV channels for something interesting to watch and he saw Gulder Ultimate Search. What, that show was on and nobody in Nigeria is talking about it? People have not started forming different ‘Fans Clubs’ for any of the contestants and the show has been on for over a month now? What happened?

Well, what happened is, the show does not have sexual content like Big Brother Naija, and this present generation of Nigerian ‘yoots’ love shows like Big Brother. Recall when T4T was among reporters covering the Ultimate Search in its early years… the country used to stand still throughout the duration. 

‘Church is life’ (like an old mama used to say in the area T4T grew up in back home in Delta). Maybe the organisers of the Ultimate Search should introduce into the show what the ‘yoots’ of now want to see, SEX, not some folks running around in the jungle.