True story: I Feel I am a Betrayer

I met my husband in school, we were so glued to each other that we saw each other vitually everyday, though we never had sexual intercourse, after much frustration and accusation of him not wanting me.

After four years or so, he got sick and in the midst of it, he thought it was time to get married.

I didn’t think it was the right time, since I was still in school, so I asked him to wait till he is fully recoverd from his illness and for me to finish school. He insisted that we should and so, I agreed.

I really couldn’t bear seeing him so worn out at that time. I still remember the wedding day; I felt nothing.

Now, two years in the marriage and I find life is as blank as it gets. I know he loves me very much. He does everything he could and gives me everything I want, just so I can be happy.

He is talking of buidling up our family, but I don’t feel I am ready for that. I could have lived like this and know nothing is amiss, if not for Simon.

I met Simon 18 months ago. He is a working collegues at my previous work place. For some reasons, after being married, I didn’t want to let anyone know I was married, so I told everyone I was not, that I was just engaged.

Of course, this includes Simon. Being with him makes me realise what love is about. Though I can’t say I love him or if he loves me, as I know life is more than this. I thought about divorce, but I can’t bear making my husband go through that; he doesn’t deserve it.

I also don’t want to lose the life I work so hard for with my husband. At the same time, I want more from life. I want to love and feel love. No matter how nice my husband is to me, I don’t feel anythng with him.

What should I do? I feel I am a betrayer

— Nneka

Advice: Dear readers, mail your comments, reactions or true love stories, quiz or personal experience you wish to share to: simonclar@yahoo.com

For marriage counseling, call Simon on 07032944123.
This Week’s Question: Wisdom is asking: “Why is it difficult to find a loyal woman these days, even when you have money?”

Call 07032944123 to send your question or answers.

Re- How Else Do I Prove I

Didn’t Cheat?
HE should believe you, regardless. If you believed him over his so-called friends about the girl, why wouldnt he take your word? Cheating is a big deal.

If he really knew you, he would know to believe you.

Now, letting him have access to all your email accounts is not a bad idea if you are not guilty.

All it will do is make him look stupid and desperate, but when you really think about it, that is a sign of NO TRUST. He obviously doesn’t trust you.

Here is the thing, his friends told you he got a girl and told her he wanted her. Then, when you told him that you suposedly cheated, he got offensive.

Even after you told him it wasnt true, he still feels insecure because chances are that he probably did do what his friends told you he did.

He is just scared as to what you will do if he mans up to it and comes clean. “Own guilt of conscience.”

I am pretty sure you guys will work things out though. Good luck

— Anonymous

I guess, for you, that to solve a problem don’t aggravate the problem. But anyways, anyways, if you are guilty, then just tell him why you did it in the first place and apologise properly. After that, since you gave him all the access he needs to check on you, then let him be.

My logic has always been that if I am not guilty, I have nothing to worry. Well, that is what I would do, I dont know if someone else has any opinion.

— Becky

Re- Is It Obsession Or What?
YOU shouldn’t have done that, but, oh well, what is done cannot be undone.

I think he loves you a lot and that is why he didnt want to end up in a fight with you. He decided to let go and give you a second chance. Perhaps he realised that if he got angry, things would probably get rough and you two would probably break up, so he stayed calm and got over it.

He also realised that you cheated on him and because of that, dont expect from him to look at you the same way like before.

— Mary

THAT seems strange. What guy could be cool when he finds out that his girlfriend has cheated on him? Show no reaction whatsoever? Even when a wife cheats on her husband, he will have some type of reaction.

It is either he is having a delayed reaction to what you did or he loves you very much that he willing to stay, because he doesn’t want to lose you or he has cheated himself and doesn’t want to throw stones. I guess you have to see how this plays out.

It means that he is so angry or sad that he has no outward reaction. He is keeping everything inside and trying to repress his feelings.

It will come out sooner than later. You need to talk to him, to help him express what he is feeling.