What You Can Learn From Other People’s Mistakes
MANY times we go into a relationship even after we have been advised to the contrary. Sometimes there is a happy ending to the story as the perceived black sheep proves people wrong. Unfortunately however, it is not all the time that people who are seen as lacking in relationship abilities prove their critics wrong. Listen to Rosemary: “When I met John (not his name) I did not like him at all. My impression of him ‘was a real braggart’ and to make matters worse, I had heard so much about him before even setting my eyes on him, but nothing good.
“At the first lunch date, I found him to be stingy. The way he fiddled with his wallet told me that he wanted me to pay for my meal. But why had he not the nerve to say it, I thought; I could have paid.
“I do not like to recall how that meeting progressed to what you may call a relationship, yet it did because we went out for three years. I believed that when you went out with a person you stayed. I thought that irrespective of his faults, he wanted to have a relationship, but events have shown that he never thought of me in the long term.
“Why did I stay in a dead relationship? I thought I had all the time as I was still very young. I did not see marriage with him. I did not think of the future seriously either; I could leave one day, I felt, as I was barely out of teenage. I had other suitors but I thought that being with him, I had to stay there but when I look back now, I think that I was naive because whenever I resolved to end it because I had not seen him for many weeks, he would show up; no explanation of where he had been. It lasted for so long because I did not take people’s warning seriously. Even when my friend would lose her guard and called him names, I would be angry with her. His relatives warned me to leave him and not to throw my life away without mincing words, but I thought it would be okay.
“You would not believe that some can throw her life away in a relationship, but it happens all the time, it happened to me. I am trying to rebuild my whole life now as my job suffered a setback. But these days, I look back too and I feel ashamed to have spent so long with someone who is so selfish.”
Our advice: Listen up. If you are told to avoid a relationship with a man or woman take heed. It is most possible that the person is bad. He would show his character early enough. Do not waste time; leave.
How Does He Treat His Ex?
The end of a relationship calls for sober reflections on both sides. The first reaction should be to think of what could have gone wrong of an affair that held promises. Both parties may blame each other for the break, but be careful with how it goes with one who has gone through a failed love union.
What happened between him and his former flame does not concern you. If he uses every opportunity to talk about her or him, he is not ready for you. It is more problem when he tries to involve you in their fight or talks openly of what went on between them, the negative things especially. You may think that he rubbishes her memory so he could heal, but the problem is he will treat you the same way.
When my friend met a rich man, we were all happy for her. But soon, it became clear that he did not want her friends around because she spent more time with him. But each time we saw, I noticed that my friend lost more and more of bubbly nature. But she should not be so burdened at 22 years, I would think.
Gradually, she confided that the man has a son with another woman and his behavior towards this woman was troubling her. He did not marry her, my friend’s problem was the way he treated her when she came for financial assistant; he kept her at the gate when my friend was around and poured abuses on her for giving birth to a child he did not want. Her mother heard this and looked sadly at her otherwise sensible daughter. In the past, she was known to step in death with any of her daughter’s potentially dangerous relationship.
A man she considered too old was discouraged from visiting. A mini-skirt which was considered to the cause of the girl losing her senses was put to the torch or long and lush hair cut to teach her a lesson.
At this time, my friend was just only a few months old into a lucrative job, which made the mother sad. But she knew that she could only drive her away and further into the arms of this man by using her old methods. So to drive home her point, she told her, “He will treat you the same way if you continue with him”.
Her prediction came right because he showed her the way out in a few months. And not quietly, believe me.
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