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Your destiny is not attached to anyone that left!

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“Control your own destiny or someone else will” – Jack Welch
An ancient culture believes that the root of all suffering is attachment. The greatest thing in the world is to know how to belong to oneself. When people can walk away from you, let them walk. Don’t try to talk another person into staying with you, loving you, calling you, caring for you, coming to see you, or staying attached to you. When people can walk away, let them walk. Your destiny is never tied to anybody that left. Most times it doesn’t even mean that the people that left are bad or toxic; it is just that their part in your story is over. Cutting off certain people out of your life doesn’t mean you hate them, it simply means you respect yourself.

Stop looking for happiness in the same place you lost it; move on with your life! It is not everybody that comes into your life that will stay. Some people come into our lives for a season, some for a reason, some for a lesson and some special ones for a blessing. The most important thing about those that left is the life lessons that you’ve learnt when they were around. Don’t allow disappointments to ruin the next phase of your life. Putting it in the right perspective, disappointment is just the action of your brain readjusting itself to reality after discovering things are not the way you thought they were.

When you allow yourself to get too attached to someone, you become weak, you lose control of your emotions, you become vulnerable. Make sure the person you are giving this much power over you is well worth the risk. Grammy award-winning artist Lecrae puts it this way: “If you live for people’s acceptance, you will die from their rejection”. Life is too short to stay in the wrong places and with the wrong people. Kevin Ngo said, “If you don’t make the time to work on creating the life you want, you’re eventually going to be forced to spend a lot of time dealing with a life you don’t want.”

The biblical story between Abraham and Lot clearly illustrates the fact that anytime you take someone with you that God has not authorised, it tampers with your destiny. God asked Abraham to leave his sibling behind so that he can take him to his place of destiny fulfillment, but he was still emotionally attached to Lot and this cost him a lot!

The people that are quick to walk away are the ones who never intended to stay. If they are not attached to your destiny, they won’t stay. Let them go! When you are too attached to people’s attention, you will die of their rejection. Try spending more time around people that affirm your worth and help you nurture your potentials. Cut off people who drain you or set limits and boundaries that will drastically reduce their negative energy around.

I would like to emphatically correct an ideology in some people. Don’t ever attach your failure to the activities of some people in your life. You must learn to own up and take responsibility for your life. Never blame anyone in your life. Good people give you happiness. Bad people give you experience. Best people give you memories. Learn to put people where they belong and move on with your life.

In order to wave off unhealthy attachments, we must intentionally attach ourselves to things that have depth and direction.
GET ATTACHED TO YOUR DREAMS: Build your own dreams, or someone else will hire you to build theirs. Your dreams get you into the future and add excitement to the present; invest in it. Many dreams have been stifled and many latent potential have been perpetually buried just because some people were so much addicted and attached to the opinion and permission of others. Lady Gaga once said, “Some women choose to follow men, and some women choose to follow their dreams. If you’re wondering which way to go, remember that your dream will never wake up and tell you that it doesn’t love you anymore.”

A man is not ‘finished’ until regrets start taking the place of dreams!
GET ATTACHED TO YOUR GOALS: You must have a long-term goal to keep you from being frustrated by short-term disappointments. Albert Einstein once said, “If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things”. Great people tie their lives to a goal. In life, it is either you have a goal or you end up in a goal.

GET ATTACHED TO GOD: People that walk with God always reach their destination. Don’t ever hold on to anything or anybody too tightly in life that you are unwilling to lose except God. Your self-worth comes from God. Don’t let the way another person treats you determine your worth. Don’t ever defile yourself to defend your love for a man!

GET ATTACHED TO YOURSELF: Seeking validation from others invalidates you. I have observed that the greatest hindrance to living a fulfilling life is being ‘stuck’ on other people’s opinion and permission. You must get used to the fact that people will sometimes abandon you; you are the only one that cannot abandon you! You must learn to enjoy your own company. Oscar Wilde said, “Be yourself, everyone is already taken”. The hardest battle you will ever have to fight is the battle to be yourself. Wanting to be someone else is a waste of who you are. We must spend more time with people and in places that give us the privilege of being ourselves. He who trims himself to suit everyone will soon whittle away.

GET ATTACHED TO PERSONAL DEVELOPMENT: Don’t neglect yourself while you’re taking care of everyone else. Your help is no good if you lose yourself in the process. Zig Ziglar said, “You cannot become what you need to be by remaining what you are”. In life, if you want to have more, you have to become more. When you develop yourself, people will ‘fight’ just to get attached to you. Success is about learning to become the person capable of succeeding. Success is not to be pursued; it is to be attracted by the person you become.

GET ATTACHED TO YOUR VISION AND MISSION: Make no apologies for following your vision. A man on a mission needs no permission.
GET ATTACHED TO YOUR PASSION: The secret of fulfillment in life is in following your passion. Instead of getting attached to people, attach yourself to your passion. Maya Angelou said, “You can only become truly accomplished at something you love. Don’t make money your goal. Instead, pursue the things you love doing, and then do them so well that people can’t take their eyes off you.” Your passion is the only thing in life that is truly yours, get attached to it. Discover the one thing you were created to be, and be willing to pay the price to be it.

GET ATTACHED TO COVENANT AND TRUSTED FRIENDS: There are some friendship that are like life-supporting system. These are friendships that have been proven and tested over the years. The Bible says in Proverbs 18:24, “One who has unreliable friends soon comes to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother”. Zig Ziglar said, “A lot of people have gone further than they thought they could because someone else thought they could”.

GET ATTACHED TO PRINCIPLES: Success is more permanent when you achieve it without destroying your principles. Life is governed by principles. When you align your life to success principles, you will be successful. People that compromise principles for people soon end up losing both.

In order to avoid emotional trauma before they happen, we must constantly detoxify ourselves from four categories of people. Eliminate anyone who constantly: lies to you, disrespects you, uses you, and puts you down.

As we will be celebrating Independence Day tomorrow, I will also want us to redefine the core meaning of independence. Real independence and freedom is detaching yourself from things, people and places that are no longer in tandem with your destination. Freedom is being you without anyone’s permission. In life, there will always be someone who can’t see your worth. Don’t let it be you! I wish you happy Independence Day in advance.


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Gbenga Adebambo

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