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Common mistakes singles make in choosing a life partner


James O. James

Last week we started looking at managing family finances but in view of the feedback I have been receiving I have decided to outline some common mistakes singles make, Christians and non-Christians alike.

• Marrying a complete stranger – There was a story in social media where a lady who married a man three months after meeting him was describing the pains and heartache she went through. Today, she is a single mother but would’ve been saved the trauma if she knew the guy well enough. Some say it is love at first sight but this is an error because you fall in love with what you see and not who the person really is. My prescription is that you marry someone who you are acquainted with; a colleague, classmate, church member, family friend, someone residing in your environment or at worse someone who you met through an acquaintance. While I am not saying that it is not possible to marry a stranger and find joy but if you marry someone you already know either closely or from a distance, such a person cannot hide his/her character from you.

• Marrying outside the will of God – in our era, we married our spouses after seeking God’s guidance through prayers and godly counsel of believers we respected and trusted. Today, Christians no longer want to seek the face of God depending solely on worldly considerations like beauty, education or affluence. If the guy does not have a well paying job, drives an SUV and lives in a duplex, then he cannot be Mr. Right.


• Not involving others in your choice – Although the ultimately choice is yours to make but you will be making a huge mistake if you think the decision is yours alone to make without the input of people who love you and can see what you’re not seeing. The input of your parents, Pastor, close friends and fellow Christians can help you avoid making mistakes.

• Marrying without a steady source of income – some brothers who have no steady source of income want to get married because they feel they are of age or because all their friends are married. It is important to point out again that the number one cause of divorce is money and if you want your wife to respect you, you must be able to put food on the table. Get a job first before thinking about marriage.

• Marrying without a vision – perhaps this should have been my first point because if you do not have a vision for your life then there is nothing your wife who is to be your helpmeet will help you achieve. Clarifying your vision will enable you seek a wife whose vision will compliment yours. Women respect men who know where they are going!

• Using present standards to judge your spouse’s future – there was a lady I know who was approached by a brother in church but because at that time he was a fresh graduate and could not afford good clothes, the lady turned him down. Today, he is a multi-millionaire and the lady is ever regretting her error. Ladies, don’t judge your intending spouse by what he has today. The question you should be able to answer is whether he is a believer who has potentials and a vision for life. This is what matters.
Enquiries: Elshaddai Covenant Church, 7, Social Club Road, Off Charity Road, Abule-Egba. Tel: 08080929292 (Calls only); 08182281184 (Whatsapp messages only).


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James O. James
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