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Four things to agree on before marriage – Part 1


James O. James

In my 33 years in ministry I have come to discover that one of the greatest challenges young couples face is inadequate preparation for marriage.

As a society we don’t adequately educate our sons and daughters about the realities of marriage. Some parents are pre-occupied with planning a grand wedding ceremony for their children and they usually spare no expense in achieving that goal at the detriment of the marriage, which lasts a lifetime. So, we end up with most of our young men and women entering into marriage unprepared.

I also think another problem all over the world is that people don’t know what marriage is all about. People marry for different reasons. Some because they want to satisfy their sexual urge, others because they need someone to cook for them, while yet others because they want to have kids and so on only to discover that marriage is more than these.

Also, many intending couples today spend so much time discussing interests they share like sports, politics, movies, music and so on but never discuss their marriage. Some focus their discussion on the wedding day making elaborate plans for the best music, food, fancy clothes, etc, at the expense of their marriage. Truth is, the wedding is for one day, while marriage lasts for many years.


What is Marriage?
Marriage is a covenant between a man and a woman instituted and publicly entered into before God. Marriage is the most intimate of all human relationships, uniting a man and a woman in a “one-flesh” union (Genesis 2:23–25). Marriage involves “leaving” one’s family of origin and “being united” to one’s spouse, which signifies the establishment of a new family unit.

Problems of Marriage:
The most prevalent problem in marriage is the lack of information. I discovered that when it comes to running the home, most of us are deficient in knowledge but the good news is, you can learn if you want to.

The second problem I see is inadequate preparation. Never assume that you know it all. No matter how old or wise you are, you need to be adequately prepared. I have seen people who have courted for 12 years, but could not stay in marriage for two years. This is so because taking care of a boyfriend is completely different from taking care of a husband or a family.

Thirdly and most importantly is lack of mutual agreement before marriage. The Bible says in Amos 3:3 “Can two walk together except they are agreed?” The answer is NO they cannot.

It does not matter how much you love each other, if you fail to agree on certain issues, there’s bound to be conflicts. The truth is that if you do not agree on issues, I don’t see your love for each other lasting through the storms that are bound to arise.

Excerpts from my book “4 Things Intending Couples Must Agree on Before Marriage”
For enquiries contact: Elshaddai Covenant Church, 7, Social Club Road, Off Charity Road, Abule-Egba. Tel: 08080929292; 08182281184 (Whatsapp messages only).`

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