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Freeing yourself from past hurts


Charles Ighele

Many of us must have come across people who are naturally harsh. No matter how kind they want to be, every action and word comes out harshly. Some of us reading this might even be like this. We try to show kindness but instead we show harshness.

If you have old hurts that have not been dealt with, you are likely to hurt people instead of showing love. Some have never received kindness, so they do not know how to give it or show it. Some have been maltreated, so their natural reaction is to “bite” and lash out at their spouses and those who want to show them love.

Releasing the bottled up feelings through harsh words or harsh reactions to the closest person is not the best way to handle past hurts. At those moments when you were being maltreated, you never liked any second of it. In the same manner, no one will like to be treated harshly.


It does not matter how long you have been a Christian, if you are carrying hurts in your heart, the kindness of Christ will not shine through you to others. This is because your attention is more on the wound than being on what Jesus has offered you. It means you are allowing the wound to take the place of healing. Jesus gave us free gift of healing on every side of our lives when we gave our lives to Him. But the decision to hold unto the healing that Jesus has released to us lies within us. What should you do? I believe the first thing to do is to treat yourself. And the best treatment you can give yourself is forgiveness.

Some of us have hurts we are carrying around, and until we deal with those hurts, we may not be able to show kindness. The best treatment you can give to yourself as stated earlier is forgiveness. Colossians 3:13.

Forgive those that have hurt you in the past. Matthew 6:14-15. It may not be easy at first, but it is easier than carrying around unforgiveness. With the help of the Holy Spirit, you need to truly forgive that person and mean it. Whenever bitter thoughts want to come concerning that person, put them away and remind yourself that that person is forgiven and loved. A great way to forgive is to personally start praying for that person who hurt you in one way or the other. Once you commence praying for that person, you will feel relieved in your inner being.

Another way to treat yourself is to let go of the past. You cannot re-do the past. Whatever has happened to you though meant for evil can be turned around for good and can be used as a testimony. The story of Mordecai and Haman comes to mind in the book Esther. All that Haman meant to cause pain and sorrow to Mordecai later turned to the good for Mordechai. Some things you experienced might be useful to you in future.

Lastly, look at others the way God sees them. Look at that housemaid that neighbour, that beggar, your co-worker, your in-laws and your spouse with the eyes of God. When you do this, you will see yourself showing kindness and compassion. One of the rules that have guided me over the years is the golden rule given by Jesus in Matthew 7:12. “Therefore, whatever you want men to do to you, do also to them…” I believe this rule is a perfect basis for the spirit of kindness to be displayed to others from our lives. Love you.


In this article:
Bishop Charles Ighele
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