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Handling a crying wife

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Bishop Charles Ighele

It is a universal fact that women cry, and this gets on the nerves of most husbands. Many husbands do not know what to do with a crying wife.

What many husbands can hardly tolerate is when the reason for the tears is too “minor” or looks childish. The intolerance gets to a boiling point, when they (husbands) feel there is no reason at all for the tears. What many men do is to walk out or “quarrel more” with such words as “stop crying like a baby. Now tell me exactly why you are crying. Give me just two reasons why you are crying in the absence of which I will conclude that you are just shedding crocodile tears. Every little thing, cry cry and cry. I am fed up with all these childish behaviour. You better grow up and stop behaving like a baby.”

With words like these, the tears increase, sometimes accompanied by screams. When some husbands try to force themselves to hold their crying wives, they only hold her physically and not emotionally with words like: “Okay, it is enough. I say it is enough. You are sill crying. You want neighbours to hear? Okay. Okay, I say it is enough.” This is almost like Job’s friend’s style of comfort. We refer to these types of husbands as “miserable comforters”. Job 16:2. Every husband must know that God wired the man and woman differently. The differences are genetic. For example, the lungs of the women are smaller than that of the men and it is the lungs that receive the air we breathe in. Moreover, there is more water in the female blood than in the male blood, whereas the red blood cells (through which oxygen is supplied to the body) are more in the male than in the female.

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Women are emotionally more delicately wired than men, and are supposed to be handled with care. They put almost all their emotions into everything they do or say, while men put more of their brains, until it may gradually partly or fully get to the emotions. Love means so much to the normal woman. She gives out so much of it through carrying of pregnancy, baby care, cooking, etc. She, therefore expects her “love tank” to be constantly refilled by her husband through sweet words, appreciation and tender care. They want attention and love attached to the issues at stake. So, tears can come at anytime. Love is a very delicate thing. It is very tender and should be delicately handled. No wonder 1 peter 3:7 says, “likewise, ye husbands dwell with them according to KNOWLEDGE giving honour unto the wife as unto a WEAKER vessel and heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers be not hindered.”

Take note of the words “according to knowledge” and weaker vessel”. The words ‘weaker vessel’ simply mean delicate, tender, sensitive, etc. Just as the woman’s body is delicate, tender and sensitive to physical assaults, so also her emotions are delicate, tender and sensitive to verbal assaults. She, therefore, cries easily, due to words or actions that the man may think are unimportant. Women cry when they feel their spouse is not sensitive, loving or caring enough. They cry when they feel the burden is too much. That is how they are and there is nothing any man can do to make them behave like men. Love you.

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