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How long does it take you to forgive your spouse?

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Charles Ighele

A woman came home late from a church programme one night and her husband out of anger, pushed her out and locked the door. She kept knocking but the man told her she was not going to step into the house that night. The man was visibly angry. The woman did not make any noise nor abuse her husband. She was a good Christian lady. She started walking round the house and when she got to the back door, she found out it was not locked. She entered the house and on seeing her husband in the sitting room, she started laughing and said something like this to him, “See you, you even forgot to lock the back door and you said you have locked me out.” As she said that, she continued laughing. After some time, her husband joined her in the laughter. And that was the end of what could have been a night of anger, sadness and tears.

This story goes to show the type of hearts both of them have. Their relationship had gotten to the point whereby they easily let go and forgive each other.

Some men who are not like that might even get angrier and accuse their wives of not respecting their feelings of anger. Forgiveness soothes the heart and makes it stronger. Whenever you forgive, you feel relieved like someone who puts down a very heavy load. When we fail to forgive someone who has offended us, we are making life more miserable for that person and for ourselves. 2 Corinthians 2:7 explains it this way, “So that contrary wise ye ought rather to forgive him, and comfort him, lest perhaps such one should be swallowed up with overmuch sorrow.” As much as we would love to be forgiven, we should also easily forgive others.

When your spouse offends you, how long do you get angry or keep malice? Are you in the category of people who will minimise communicating with your spouse? Some even go to the extent of rubbing it off on their children when they have misunderstanding with their spouse. They will not talk to anyone in the house; only to outsiders.

The length of time it takes you to get over your anger matters a lot. It shows the type of heart you have. Nobody is above mistakes. Do not let the sun go down on your anger. Ephesians 4:26 says, “Be ye angry and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your anger…” Do not allow your anger turn to sin by allowing the anger to germinate.

We must at one point or the other offend each other but the level of maturity is usually tested by the number of minutes you sulk or let go.

Put yourself in the shoes of the one who offended you and see how you will feel if someone refused to forgive you. Even when the person who offended you fails to apologise to you, it is your duty to forgive the person. Some people are not good with apology but it does not mean you should shut the person out because he/she failed to apologise to you.

Grow up. Mature. Begin to develop to forgive your spouse quickly. A way to develop this attitude is to make up your mind to decide to forgive your spouse even before he/she does what will offend you. Couples who have deliberately worked on their minds to forgive their spouses before they offend them have found out that such a decision turned out to be a powerful shock absorber. It has enabled them to forgive their spouses as quickly as possible. Grow up. Mature into this level of marital, family and human relationship. Love you.


In this article:
Bishop Charles Ighele
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