How malice bearer can stop the habit
Sometime ago, I wrote an article in this column titled LIVING WITH A WIFE WHO BEARS MALICE. I am happy about the response I got from readers. After that article, there was a high expectation, especially from the females, to make a write up on how to live with a husband that bears malice. That was exactly what I did last Sunday.
With the satisfaction of having come up with highly received articles that are gender neutral, in this write up, I will talk about how malice bearers (whether male or female) can come out from the destructive pit of malice.
In previous write-ups, I told you how a couple bore malice for about seven years, while another bore malice for about twenty-one years.
No matter how short or long the malice period may be, the truth is that bearing malice is one habit that should never be allowed in any marriage.
I strongly suggest that one of the duties of parents and marriage-counselling units in churches, mosques and other groups should be to grow their people from the childish act of malice.
The first step towards coming out of malice is to know that you are a malice bearer. When after a disagreement, an argument, or a quarrel with your spouse you decide to give your spouse the “silent treatment” or not to talk to him or her for thirty minutes, one or more hours, days, weeks, months and years, then you are a malice bearer.
After knowing that you are a malice bearer, the next thing to do is to cry out to God for help. Ask Him to forgive you of this bad habit and of the pains you have caused people through malice bearing. Ask the Spirit and power of God to come into you and help you over-power and put away the forces of malice.
But can one put off malice as he or she can put off a dress? Yes. Your putting on or putting off a dress is always a decision. You decide to put on a dress and decide to put off a dress because you have the power to make a choice (whether to put on a dress or to put off a dress)
The Bible makes us understand that if you are not really enjoying the act of malice bearing and you are tired of it, you can decide to put it off. For example, Colossians 3:8 says “put off all these; anger, wrath, malice…” 1 Peter 2:1 says “wherefore laying aside all malice…” Ephesians 4:31 says, “Let all bitterness… and anger and evil speaking be put away from you with all malice.”
The Bible teaches us that as far as the issue of malice is concerned, adults, including all married people, should behave like children. 1 Corinthians 14:20 says “ … in malice be ye children, but in understanding be men.” Children are experts at breaking the ice of malice. Children use very minor opportunities to start a conversation or play with those they quarreled with a short while back. Married people should use very minor opportunities to start a conversation and get on with their marriages. It is not always that apologies must be sought. Matured people must learn how to break the ice of malice. Talk again. Touch again.
Relate again. As you deliberately take the first step to reach out after a quarrel, other things will fall in place. For example, when you deliberately commend your spouse’s dress even after a quarrel, you are breaking the ice of malice. Think about the good times you’ve had with your spouse in the past and learn to take life not too tight. Love you.