How to handle conflicts in the home – Part 2
Text: 1 Samuel 25:13-35
Today scriptures make a classic study on how to resolve issues in the home. Abigail was married to Nabal (meaning fool) and David and his armed men were on the way to teach Nabal a lesson for breach of the agreement.
Abigail got to hear of her husband indiscretion and she deployed wisdom and averted what might have been a bloodbath and certain death not only for Nabal but for herself too. The husband had put the family at risk but what did she do?
• She identified the problem. Many times we do not focus on the problems but rather allow our emotions to rule over us. Identifying the issues, as they are helping to seek proper redress.
• She identified the “enemy.” She saw that the enemy was not her husband but David and his advancing troops and so focused on the threat to her home. Know that the enemy of your home is the devil, not your husband or your wife.
• She knew it was not the time to trade blames but to take action. We sometimes expend our energies in a shouting match when we ought to be on our knees praying.
• She knew how to use the right words. She employed what is called the sandwich method. She started by applauding David and accepting the mistake of her husband. Then he went on to let him know the folly of his vengeance and ended up praying for him (David). Of course, her wisdom blew David away and averted a blood bath.
• She knew the right time to accost her husband. A man of God once said, the advice is good but timely advise is golden. When you have an issue with your spouse, wisdom dictates that you choose an auspicious time to discuss. In fact, if you approach issues when tempers are high it results in a deeper quarrel.
• She knew how to respond and not react. In responding we look for solutions without trying to either win an argument or bring our partner down.
• She was a good communicator. She knew how to pass across a difficult message without offending the sensibilities of the other person.
• She did not abuse or divorce her husband; rather she solved the problem first and later talked with her husband
What lessons can we then draw from this?
• When you have a quarrel with your spouse, identify the issue/s
• Isolate the source of the threat, that is to say, identify the enemy. Why is my spouse behaving this way?
• Take action. The battles of life are first won on our knees before they are won physically.
• Learn to be a good communicator. The Bible says in Proverbs 15:1 that, “A gentle answer turns away anger but harsh words stir up anger. Also, develop the habit of asking the right questions.
• Try to be calm if your partner has lost his or her cool. The two of you cannot afford to be “mad” at the same time.
• Respond and do not react when there is an issue. It is better to be quiet than to speak in anger only to regret later.
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