Couples’ bonding (1)
.Understanding The Secret To Thriving Marriage
God created man a relational being. In marriage the man and woman becomes “one flesh.” They are one emotionally, spiritually, intellectually, financially, and in every other way, the couple is to become one.
Even as one part of the body cares for the other body parts (the stomach digests food for the body, the brain directs the body for the good of the whole, the hands work for the sake of the body, etc), so each partner in the marriage is to care for the other. Each partner is no longer to see money earned as “my” money, but rather as “our” money. Ephesians 5:22-33 and Proverbs 31:10-31 give the application of this “oneness” to the role of the husband and to the wife, respectively.
Couples, out of familiarisation may sometimes experience emotional disconnection. This most times make them not to trust their attachment to each other; in marital relationship someone can still be lonely, insecure and misunderstood. Lack of value to a partner might result to marital detachment.
Physically, they become one flesh, and through procreation they bring out special specie of their kind who now possess a special genetic makeup, specific only to their union. Even in the sexuality husband and wife are not to consider their bodies as their own but as belonging to their partner (1 Corinthians 7:3-5). Nor are they to focus on their own pleasure but rather to that of their spouse. This oneness and desire to benefit each other is not automatic, especially after the introduction of sin at the fall. The man, in Genesis 2:24 (KJV), is told to “cleave” to his wife.
The word “cleave” could mean:
• To glue, to adhere, to join, to stick to the wife. The Hebrew word used in Genesis is more expressive: to cling, to adhere, to abide fast together, to follow. A picture of how tight the marriage bond is to be.
• The other aspect is to “pursue hard after” the wife. This “pursuing hard after” is to go beyond the courtship leading, which led to marriage, and is to continue throughout the marriage.
As nice as it may be for two people to live together, meeting each other’s needs, God has a higher calling for the marriage. Even as they were to be serving Christ with their lives before marriage (Romans 12:1-2), now they are to serve Christ together as a unit and raise their children to serve God (1 Corinthians 7:29-34; Malachi 2:15; Ephesians 6:4). Priscilla and Aquila, in Acts 18, would be good examples of this. As a couple pursues serving Christ together, the joy, which the Spirit gives will fill their marriage (Galatians 5:22-23).
Marital bond and attachment is important to a lasting union. Every couple can only live and thrive in the shelter of each other. A shattered union could result to a shattered life; it is easy to live single and successful when there was never a commitment but very challenging when separation occurs. The separation of a partner either by death, or divorce is one of the hardest thing to deal with; it can even take away between 10-15 years of someone’s life, and some may never recover from its effects.
• Ven. Stephen Wolemonwu is the Rector Ibru Ecumenical Centre, 08035413812.
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