Couples’ bonding – Part 2
(Understanding The Secret To Thriving Marriage)
Anyone who comes into marriage must as a matter of responsibility see it as a journey of fostering close bonds, strong enough to make the marriage a safe place for each other. This is not a one-sided affairs; both parties must be involved. This must be done intentionally, creatively, committedly, constant care and hard work motivated by love. The life span of every marriage is determined by the emotional connection the couples share with each other. A close couple will share their dirtiest experience and feel safe. They will still be there for each other despite the odds.
• Sometimes those close may not ‘feel’ close: sometimes the people close may seem very far from us or those close may consider us though present, but not as close as they want; to them we are detached.
• Sometimes it feels like our close ones are not really there for us, this can bring a sense of withdrawal.
Cases of divorce are daily on the increase across the world. Separation could either be by death or by divorce.
The Bible says: “Indeed, the Lord God of Israel says that he hates divorce, along with the one who conceals his violence by outward appearances. So guard yourselves carefully, and don’t be unfaithful.” Malachi 2:16 (International Standard Version)
Marriage was given to bind a man and woman together as one flesh in enduring union (Gen 2:24; Eph 5:31). Much in the Bible is said to safeguard the bonds of matrimony (Ex 20:14; Lev 20:10; Dt 5:18; 22:22) and to affirm the strength of permanent marriage (Pr 2:16-17; 5:15-20; 12:4; 18:22). Marriage involved a private covenant within the larger context of God’s covenant with Israel.
Lack of commitment, financial challenges, and infidelity are some of the leading causes of divorce in the world. In Denmark, for example, a 2019 controlled trial study found that the top reasons for divorce include: Lack of love and intimacy, communication problems, lack of sympathy, trust, and respect, growing apart because of different interests and activities. Couples who face challenges in having children also seem to be more likely to divorce if having a larger family is a priority for one or both partners.
According to psych central.com a national survey was done from 2005 on the most leading causes of divorce in the United States. The survey found that the 12 top reasons for divorce from most to least common, are:
• lack of commitment —73.2 percent
• constant arguing or conflict —55 percent
• infidelity —54.6 percent
• marrying too young —45.7 percent
• unrealistic expectations about partner or marriage — 45.3 percent
• inequality between partners —43.7 percent
• inadequate preparation for marriage —41.1 percent
• domestic violence — 29.1 percent
• financial problems —28.4 percent
• conflict about domestic work —21.6 percent
• lack of family support —18.7 percent
• religious differences —13.2 percent
While a smaller-scale in 2013 revealed that lack of commitment, infidelity, and conflict and arguing were, indeed, the leading causes of divorce.
Major Causes Of Divorce In Nigeria
Nigerians refer to divorce as “broken home.” The number of divorce cases in Nigeria may not be ascertained owing to the fact that few Nigerians divorce in a courtroom. Either the wife is separated from the husband, leaves unexpectedly with the children, or one of the couples separates from the other. A meeting is called between the two families or places of worship as required when this occurs. When one or both couples insist on continuing their separate lives, the union is dissolved.
Divorce in Nigeria is on the rise and has become a major concern for some people. This is because even the Church is not spared. Divorce can occur for a variety of reasons, many of which are still being discovered.
Some reasons include; infidelity, lack of communication, un-forgiveness, lack of love, lack of mental preparation, issues of third party, lack of courtship, lack of intimacy; issues of infertility and domestic abuse.
Someone said: “A couple can only heal a relationship and avoid divorce if both parties are willing to work on the relationship and communicate effectively.” Most divorce reasons are preventable, if only both partners are in love and are willing to spend time and energy to solve their differences. Spending time together doing something you both enjoy can solidify friendship within your romantic relationship.
• Ven. Stephen Wolemonwu is the Rector Ibru Ecumenical Centre, 08035413812.
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