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Fighting marital battles you cannot win


Bishop Charles Ighele

In his book titled: THE ART OF WAR, Sun Tzu, the ancient Chinese writer wrote, “choose your battles wisely. Do not fight battles you cannot win.” I believe that this piece of advice by Sun Tzu can be applied by couples. I normally advise couples that before they start any argument or quarrel with their spouses, they should have the ability to determine how the argument or quarrel will end. Starting an argument or quarrel without knowing where and when it will end is like embarking on a journey without knowing where or when it will end.

Sometime ago, a lady picked up a bitter quarrel with her husband. In fact, she engaged him in a physical fight and the man responded to the physical challenge. The woman had known her husband to be a womaniser, and the man had also possibly accepted the fact that he is a womaniser. Any time they had argument about the man’s adultery, the man would say, “you know that is how I am. I love you and I want you to be my wife forever. But if you cannot stand my moving out once in a while with other ladies, you are free to ask for a divorce. No woman can tie me down.” The last thing the woman wanted was a divorce because of the love she has for her husband. She once said: “I love him so much and I will never want to divorce him.”

For sometime, she turned her back, her eyes and her ears on what the man was doing outside. Then all of a sudden, she seized her husband one day and gave him a dirty slap. She went for a bottle of acid and threatened to pour it on her husband, if he does not stop his immoral relationship with other women. The man managed to run out of the house and escaped the acid attack by his wife. From where he ran to, he asked for a divorce. The wife started crying, pleading and sending people to beg her husband not to divorce her. In fact, she said the man could have as many girl friends as he wanted outside.

Now, I am not saying that the man’s adulterous behaviour should be pardoned. Personally, I believe that strong men don’t live in adultery because they have matured and are strong enough to handle their sexual feelings towards people who are not their wives. But sexually weak men cannot control their feelings because they are not emotionally strong enough. But his wife being an addicted lover, who had vowed never to divorce her husband despite his adulterous ways, embarked on a quarrel she could never win.

She knew that her husband was too strong for her. She belongs to those my wife Carol and I refer to as the “pussy cat” type of spouse. She is like a domestic pussy cat, who no matter how many times the owner drives it away, will still look for a way to come back making “meow meow”. Her husband had brought her to a state, where she had no more right to complain about his adulterous tendency.

How would she have handled the situation? Readers’ reactions are welcomed. Love you.
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Charles Ighele
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