Forgiveness: A better life

Living a healthy life is the secret to living a happy life. That, which is better cannot be bitter. A healthy life is not dependent upon food but good habit. People over time form habits that either heal or hurt them or those around them. We must be what we want the world to be. One time president of America said:
“Change will not come if we wait for some other person or some other time. We are the ones we’ve been waiting for. We are the change that we seek”- Barack Obama

One of the greatest habits and virtue that has both medical, emotional, psychological and spiritual benefit is forgiveness.
• Forgiveness is not common.
• Forgiveness is rear.
• Forgiveness is not accessible by everyone. Forgiveness is necessary in every relationship, this is because “…offence must come” (Matt. 18:7).

When the theme: “forgiveness” is discussed the most benefited is not the offender but the offended. The offender has his reward before God but the issue is how to help you handle every manner of offence, be it in marriage, ministry, family, business, or work place.

What Is Forgiveness?
This is defined as:
• The act of forgiving; the pardon of an offender, by which he is considered and treated as not guilty. The forgiveness of enemies is a Christian duty.
• The pardon or remission of an offence or crime as the forgiveness of sin or of injuries.
• Disposition to pardon; willingness to forgive. Forgiveness intercedes to stop a coming reward.
• Remission of a debt, fine or penalty.

Forgiveness is not the absence of rebuke, chastisement, correction, discipline and reward, which means in forgiveness, there could still be rebuke, chastisement, correction, discipline and reward. Man’s forgiveness is different from God’s forgiveness but they both heal, restore and build.

From the definitions given about forgiveness, it is clear that it is intentional, voluntary and must be with determination.

Psychologists say: “Forgiveness is a conscious, deliberate decision to release feelings of resentment or vengeance towards a person or group who has harmed you (…. or your family or friends), regardless of whether they actually deserve your forgiveness.”

This means, the man who truly needs forgiveness is the one who actually does not deserve it. That is the reason forgiveness must be deliberate, conscious, voluntary, intentional and with determination. Matthew chapter 18, teaches:
• The need to be childlike in forgiveness.
• The need to do everything practically possible to gain forgiveness and reconciliation.
• The need to let-go of the hurt.

Forgiveness helps to repair damaged relationship, lack of forgiveness embers (something that fans up the fire) corrosive anger.
Note: Anger could be very corrosive; it can damage other substance that comes into contact with it. A corrosive anger is deadly, especially in its third generation. A third generational anger is a transferred bitterness from one generation to another.
What you do not forgive now could hurt forever even the unborn generation, therefore, forgive yourself.

Other areas to forgive yourself include:
• For trusting the person and he/she betrayed you.
• For loving the person that turned out to be your greatest enemy.
• For giving your best and in return gained nothing but pain.
• For doing those good things and yet nobody seems to appreciate it.
When you forgive yourself, it will be easy to forgive the offender.

Furthermore, in that Matthew 18, we discover:
• Read vs 1-5 – What is that, which you see in children that we need as adults and children of God? Here, Jesus mentioned – humility. Others include: tolerance, forgetfulness, trust and fun.
• Every relationship is helpful in a way. Some good relationship can make you:
• Better.
• Stronger.
• Brings out the best in you.
• Helps your experience – read Matt. 18:10-14.

To forgive, you must be ready to step down from the lofty mountains of your, “I am the offended” “I trusted him,” but he betrayed me – Matt. 18:15-17.
To forgive helps connectivity and continuity in relationship – Matt. 18:19.
Forgiveness should never be counted – Matt. 18:21-22.
Forgiveness attracts our offence against God to be blunted out. See Matt. 18:23-35.
• Forgive what they owe you that they could not give, forgive.

Dangers Of Unforgiveness
• It could be corrosive.
• It could poison you.
• It keeps you in bondage.
• It could be transgenerational.
• It could make your goodness not accessible.
• It could limit your productivity.

Conclusion
Remember this again; when you forgive, you are the one most benefitting. Letting go an offence might look easy to say than done I must admit but not impossible. Those who practice forgiveness and cultivate the habits enjoy the fruit thereof. Have you ever struggled to forgive someone? Held a grudge longer than you wanted? Have you ever felt shame or guilt about hurting someone else and not known how to ask for forgiveness? If only you can muster the courage to forgive, you will discover that forgiveness is essential to maintaining and repairing relationships. Let us forgive.

Please pray with me:
Dear Lord Jesus Christ teach me to forgive, give me the heart to let go of the grudge. Make me feel the inner peace that you give and grant me the ability to let go of the past that I may embrace the future. This, I pray through Christ our Lord who lives and reigns with the Father Almighty in the unity of the Holy Spirit now and forever, Amen.

• Venerable Stephen Wolemonwu is the Rector, Ibru Ecumenical Centre, Agbarha-Otor, Delta State (08035413812)