How to tell your fiancé that you are no longer a virgin
This write up is also for the father or mother who is close to their daughter(s) to the extent of advising them on how to handle such an issue.
Someone may wonder why I am not writing on the topic: “How to tell your fiancee that you are no longer a virgin.”
Must it only be females who must bear the guilt of premarital sex?
The matter is not about guilt here at all because as far as God is concerned sin is sin, whether it is committed by a male or female.
But you see, when it comes to the matter of sex, God put the woman in a very special place not of guilt but of honour to the extent that the word “bride” is used to describe the relationship between Jesus and His church (Eph 5:22-23).
To whom much is given, much is, therefore, expected. On sexual matters, therefore, a higher level of honourable behaviour is expected from the female just as Jesus expects a higher level of behaviour from the church. She is very special in male/female relationship.
Being special and of high value in terms of sexual behaviour should not, therefore, mean that a lady should fret about how she will tell her fiancé that she is no longer a virgin.
A man who is strong and sound spiritually or emotionally or both should not be disturbed whether a girl he really loves is a virgin or not.
If she has lost her virginity due to any deliberate or non-deliberate action of hers, when she was still a spinster, now that she has agreed for a particular man to be her husband, see yourself as having won the race to have a whole human being as your own for life.
As earlier stated, females should not be worried.
But before a man may ask “are you still a virgin?” A lady who senses that such a question may come up one day, may decide to on her own bring up the issue.
She should, however, not use crude words such as “I better tell you now before you find out o; I am not a virgin o.
I don’t like to hide my things o.” A lady can put it this way: “before I met you, I lost my virginity because I was not careful enough.
I am not proud of it and I will really appreciate it if you do not mind skipping it, as we build our relationship.
It’s a past and I will not like to think or talk about it. I am proud to have you as my future husband.”
If the man insists on knowing more, the lady should let him know that she does not see how knowing more will help grow their courtship and marriage.
If the man does not want to marry her because she refuses to go into details, he would still not have married her if she had gone into details.
If not telling the man the details is going to cause problem in her relationship, telling him the details may cause more problems.
A man who has respect for his fiancee’s feelings should not go ahead asking further questions.
A man who has had sex before should not exercise the moral right to keep on probing while a man who has never had sex before can jokingly comfort himself with the fact that he has found a sex teacher.
Enjoy your courtship without setting up panels to probe the past. Love you.
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