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Men who tell their wives, ‘I am the head of this house’ – Part 2

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Charles Ighele

I am sorry that I could not explain to you why I could not continue with the part 2 of this write up last Sunday, as I said. The spiritual and emotional mood that engulfed Nigeria, due to the #EndSARS protests made me think that it would not be morally right to write on the topic, MEN WHO TELL THEIR WIVES, “I AM THE HEAD OF THIS HOUSE,” when Nigeria is burning.

There will be no time for a husband to tell the wife that “I am the head of this house,” when the house is on fire.

Two weeks ago, I wrote in this column how my wife’s family’s higher educational, financial and social status was by far higher than mine, and how these among other things made me have a feeling of inferiority complex during the first three months of our marriage and how my inferiority complex made me tell her three or four times, “You must know that I am the head of this house.”

Thank God that I changed my style from about the fourth month of our marriage.

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Unfortunately, many husbands do not. They see their wives’ opposite viewpoints or actions as if their wives want to control them. I know that there are some wives with the spirit of Jezebel, who control their men as Jezebel did to Ahab. But I know for sure that some men want to control their wives by converting their feelings of inferiority to crude superiority, as I almost did.

I believe there are some of the readers of this column out there who may want to know how I healed myself.

Firstly, I had to change my mindset on how to see my wife. Should I see her as a competitor or should I see her as a gift God gave to me to raise a brand new Charles and Carol Ighele generation? I decided to see her as a gift.

Secondly, I began to see the higher family social status in which she was born and bred as a gift I needed to accept and use to bring up my children and household into another higher social status that is higher than the family she came from, without being competitive.

Thirdly, I got the knowledge early in my marriage that, “Whosoever finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favour of the Lord” Proverbs 18:22. I, therefore, made up my young mind to accept the fact that her family status was higher than my own and that I should humble myself. As I kept deliberately humbling myself and doing the things mentioned above and more, I discovered that my feelings of inferiority and insecurity began to decrease.

Not to be forgotten is that powerful fact that I was very sure that I would succeed in life, inasmuch as I kept walking in the path of righteousness because Proverbs 4:18 says, “But the path of the just is as the shining light, that shines more and more unto the perfect day.” As I developed my skill and decided not to be lazy, my wife admired me more and towards the end of 1998, she resigned from the high office she occupied in the bank to join me full time in my growing full time pastoral work.

The words: “You must know that I am the head of this house” have never come from my mouth again since 1987. And I pray that after reading this article, the words, “You must know that I am the head of this house” will never come from your mouth again. Love you.

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