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Should you allow your spouse to sleep when you cannot sleep after a quarrel?


Charles Ighele

One of the casualties of an unsettled quarrel is sleep. One lies on the far west of the bed, while the other lies on the far east, each meditating on the “words of the quarrel” and the next line of action. Your spouse might have said nasty things. Do not take these words to heart. These words can be painful, but always remind yourself that they were said under a poisoned spiritual and emotional atmosphere. When couples meditate on what has transpired, it is not easy to sleep.

I have discovered that while on the opposite sides of the bed, couples try to let each other know that they are not yet asleep. They do this by inventing some dry coughs, tossing, going to the toilet and many other ways. A part of the combatants wants the other person to make a move. Humble yourself and make the move, boy. Humble yourself and make the move, girl. Make peace moves if you cannot sleep. Talk about it. Psalm 37:8 says “Cease from anger and forsake wrath; fret not thyself in anywise to do evil.” Make sure there is peace before you go to sleep. Use wisdom to settle what you could not handle due to lack of understanding or charged emotions. This is not to say that anything should be swept under the carpet, because there may be an explosion from under the carpet someday. Issues should be resolved.


Supposing you are unable to sleep for over one hour and the next thing you hear is your spouse snoring. This can be very annoying. It has happened to us in our marriage. We have had hot disagreements over six times, since we got married over thirty years ago. During one of the disagreements after about fifteen minutes of silence on bed, I started sleeping. “So you are sleeping” were the words from Carol that jolted me from sleep. The disagreement was then resolved. Another occasion was when after a disagreement Carol started sleeping. I was very angry but I decided to be mature. I allowed Carol to sleep until the next day when the issue was resolved. There is always a tendency to think that your partner is insensitive to your plight or restlessness, when he or she sleeps after a quarrel.

This can make one very, very angry. It is not very easy to allow a spouse that you think has murdered your sleep to sleep in peace. If care is not taken, it can lead to a fight or a “quarrelling all night.” From my findings, some people unleash violence on their partners from sleeping when they themselves cannot sleep. They believe that he or she that murder their sleep does not deserve to sleep. They, therefore, hold and violently wake their partners from their sleep. One can hardly predict the end of such an action. The best thing to do is to gently wake your spouse and tell him or her on the need to talk. He or she may not want to talk. You, therefore, have to initiate it. Start softly from somewhere. You may also be angry but the Bible says that a wise person controls his or her temper. If the woman is the one that is sleeping, we advise the men to allow sleeping dogs lie. It is a proof of a man’s maturity and leadership ability. You can ask God to forgive you for the mess two of you have created and ask Him to step in to help you find a way to bring peace back to your home. Love you.
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In this article:
Charles Ighele
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