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Sleeping with him so that he can marry you


Bishop Charles Ighele

A thirty-something-year-old single lady had patiently waited for a husband. Just as the time seemed to tick faster, a man came her way and asked for her hand in marriage. She was so excited and everyone was genuinely happy till the man made one demand. He asked for sex.

At first, she was adamant and even angry but he told her that, “we are going to get married anyway so it does not matter.” According to the man, allowing him have sex with her was the only way he could assure himself that she loved him completely. Even though she was a Christian and she knew pre-marital sex was inexcusable in God’s sight, she was sorely tempted. Of course, some people were there to advise her to compromise her standards and get the man. She listened and today, she maintains it is one of her biggest regrets.

God designed sex and when He did, He put in man the desire to have sex, as one of the ways of expressing and experiencing physical intimacy. He, however, made sex and its desires to be shared by only one set of people— married couples.


Movies, music and society make sex look like a casual and romantic part of every relationship. People ask: ‘If you do not have sex before marriage how will you know he/she is the one?’ I also ask as a counterpoint: If you have sex before marriage, how will you know she/he is the one? Sex is a poor substitute for love. Within the context of marriage, sex goes hand-in-hand with many other things like commitment, trust, friendship and many other pillars, but when sex is isolated outside marriage, it does not bring the full satisfaction God intended for it.

When we engage in pre-marital sex, which the Bible refers to as sexual immorality, we disconnect from God. The Bible says clearly: “Or do you not know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God and you are not your own?” I love what the word says, that your body is “not your own’. Why? Because accepting Jesus as your Lord does not just stop at getting a recreated spirit. It continues till your mind and body becomes subject to your spirit (Rom 12:2) till your mind and body are possessed by God and is no more yours but His.

When you wilfully enter into sexual immorality, you are simply saying to Him, “I take back myself from you.” You are simply disconnecting from your source. Once you disconnect from Him, you grieve the most important thing, which is His presence. The ever- present presence of the Holy Spirit is grieved, and then quenched. Losing God’s presence also means stepping out of His protection. It means stepping out of His blessings. It means stepping out of His plans and covering. From Psalm 91, we see that it is only those that dwell in the secret place of His presence and abide under His shadows that have access to His divine covering and protection.

You have everything to lose and nothing to gain, when you separate yourself from your Heavenly Father. Today, I encourage you to guard the relationship you have with your Source and do not trade it for the fleeting pleasures of the moment or a marriage proposal that may not even come. Sex is not a thermometre that a man who really loves you needs to measure the volume of your love for him. Love you.

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