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Speaking to your wife like an enemy


Bishop Charles Ighele

A middle income couple in Nigeria had a serious disagreement recently. The woman placed some sachets of water (pure water) near some food items in their fridge. When the man wanted to drink the water, the smell of raw food hit his nostrils. He became furious and told the wife, “You are a very stupid woman. Why would you put raw food near the sachet of water that we drink? You don’t have sense.”

This is a typical example of how some men talk to their wives, as if they are talking to an enemy. It’s not as if they had any quarrel, but simply because the woman made a mistake, the husband referred to her as a stupid woman. This is not how a husband should talk to a wife. This is how enemies talk to themselves.

In a particular church, church workers normally meet an hour before the commencement of the main service. The choristers go to their own corner to rehearse and pray, while other groups also meet to keep their departments spiritually on fire before the commencement of the Sunday worship service. One of the women, who is a chorister, was chatting with her friends, suddenly, her husband, who is also a chorister, told his wife “it’s time for choir practice. Instead of you to come, you are busy telling stories there.” These are not the words of a lover to a lover. These are not the words of a husband to a wife. The man talked to his wife not as a lover.


A man and his wife are getting dressed preparing for a wedding. As happens in most instances, the woman is slower than her husband. The man erupts: “if you act slowly, I will leave you. This is how you always make me go late to events. You better hurry up or I will leave you. Are you listening to what I’m saying or are you deaf?” Certainly these are not the words a husband should speak to his wife. They’re bad words. They are like the words being spoken to someone you hate. They are like the words of an enemy to an enemy. Even if a wife keeps repeating the same mistake (just as all of us keep repeating some bad habits) a man should not speak bitter words to his wife or fiancée. Colossian 3: 19 tells husbands: “husbands, love your wives, and be not BITTER against them.”

Being the head of a home does not give the man the licence to use BITTER words on his wife, as if he is talking to someone he hates. The Bible says when a man and woman are married they become one flesh. Eph 5:29 says “for no man ever yet hates his own flesh; but nourishes it and cherishes it…” When a man speaks harshly to his wife, he is not only wounding his wife, but he is also wounding himself spiritually, emotionally and mentally. It’s like a man declaring war against himself. When a man uses hateful words against his wife because the food is not delicious enough or the salt is too much in the food, in the spirit realm it means he is speaking against himself as if he “hates his own flesh” Eph 5:29a. We are to NOURISH our wives with good words whether they meet our expectations or not. We are not to talk to them as if we are talking to an enemy.
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In this article:
Bishop Charles Ighele
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