Submitting to your husband even when he is wrong

Sometimes this year, a woman whose marriage was at the verge of collapse came to me for advice. As usual, I will not go into details of the issue that were at stake, so that her secret will remain so. In her case, the man was wrong and what the woman did was right. She was, therefore, not willing to submit to what she felt was wrong. To her, she is not his child, but his wife and she was not ready to open her eyes and abide by an unjust decision. I made her see that submitting to her husband, when the issues involved do not lead to death or family disaster, was not only fighting for the survival of her marriage, but also honouring God that created marriage. I drew her attention to Hebrews 13:4 which says, “Marriage is honourable in all …”

I also drew her attention to 1 Samuel 2:30, where God Himself said, “for them that honour me I will honour and they that despise me shall be lightly esteemed.” I told her that complying with her husband’s decision and putting herself under his authority, even when she thinks he is wrong was the only option available for her marriage not to break or become more problematic. She felt humiliated, but I told her that her response to what she perceived to be humiliation should be humility. By the time she realised that she could turn her feelings of humiliation to humility, thereby saving her marriage and bringing honour to God, she calmed down. The word of God says, “Before honour is humility.” How I wish wives and fiancées will be able to quickly turn feelings of humiliation into humility. How I wish husbands and fiancés can be in charge of their minds and quickly turn the feelings of humiliation and control from their wives into humility.

This can easily be done anytime you decide to do so, whenever you have issues with your spouse or the person you are engaged to. In my marriage, there were times my wife Carol immediately changed her mind three hundred and sixty degrees from the view she held. There were also times that I changed my opinion three hundred and sixty degrees, so that our marriage can remain healthy. We have found out that each time we deliberately decided to change our feelings to that of humility and humble ourselves before each other, those negative feelings get flushed out and get replaced by positive vibrations within us and flowing through us. You can train your mind to become more mature than our own.

A woman once told me that she was not ready to marry her husband again, because he does not take to her advice, and she was not ready to submit to him, when she knows he is wrong. And this is what many women say of their husbands. I keep telling wives that, if an adviser or minister or any other worker should give advice to his or her boss ten times and that boss implements three out of the ten, then it means that the adviser is a very highly intelligent person. It is a man who has no mind of his own that will implement majority of the suggestions given by those he is leading. Any wife or fiancée that would agree with me that it is not easy for a normal man to accept most of her suggestions might have discovered through this article another secret to a healthier marital relationship. May no wife or husband think they have the monopoly of knowledge to always decide who is wrong and who is right. Love you.

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