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When you offend your spouse


After the war that tore the family of King David apart and destroyed the peace of Israel, as stated in the Bible, the people decided to humble themselves and apologise. That is a quality of a great people.

After annoying your spouse, your colleague, boss or even your young child, the ability to apologise from your heart is a sign of humility and selflessness.

Many people, even after realising that they are wrong, find it very difficult to admit it. Admitting that you are wrong does not make you less of who you are. It does not reduce the opinion of the other person about you. Contrarily, saying sorry does not make the other person smarter, it makes you more mature.

Admit it when you are wrong, and humbly ask for forgiveness from your spouse, pastor or anyone you have offended. Do not apologise just to show you are mature or just to make the other person less angry. No. Apologise because you are really sorry. To do this, you should first realise your mistake and how it hurt the other person.


A man who knew he was wrong refused to openly apologise to his wife because he felt that it would make the wife have dominion over him. A woman also felt that apologising to her husband would not help her. She felt that her husband would broadcast it everywhere that she had apologised. This not a reasoning from a mind that wants to mature.

Marriage is not a matter of who has more power, but of who is ready to forgive and cleave. If a spouse wants to broadcast it everywhere that you apologised, let him/her go ahead. He/she is advertising his/her immaturity and advertising your cool headedness.

A woman grew very bitter, after her husband divorced her on ground of infidelity. She was saddened by the divorce and felt the matter could have been resolved amicably. When asked, the husband said he did not divorce his wife because she committed adultery, but because she defended herself. He explained that after she had been caught, she wept and confessed that she was wrong.

At that moment, the husband was willing to forgive her, but she spoilt the whole thing by lashing out and saying, “it is your fault. I know I should not have done it, but you pushed me. You refused to appreciate me and that was why I did what I did.” This was what hardened his heart.


The point I am trying to make is that, defending yourself when you are wrong is totally unnecessary. People have a natural defence mechanism. They jump into defence immediately they are accused and justify their actions. This is wrong.

When you begin to justify your actions and defend yourself after an apology, the person you are apologising to gets a picture that you truly are not sorry or remorseful.

If you did something to offend or hurt another person, a simple “I admit I am wrong or I am really sorry,” said genuinely from the heart is enough to begin the process of thawing the ice in the other person’s heart. But when you begin to defend yourself and give all manner of excuses for your actions, it hardens the other person’s heart and makes reconciliation difficult. Please, do not again say that you have a reason for doing the wrong you did.

Please, please do not again use these words “I am wrong with a reason.” Do not again use the words, “I can explain.” The only satisfactory explanation you should give is simply own up and apologise till the person you hurt is satisfied. Love you.


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