When you tell your husband, ‘I told you’

A few months back, a lady walked into my office for counselling. She was very angry with her husband. She had earlier advised him to take to a given line of business, but he disregarded her advice. What the husband decided to do did not succeed, and this brought financial problems to the family. Many times, whenever these financial problems reared their heads, the woman would tell the husband, “I told you but you would not listen to me. Can’t you see the result now?” I advised the woman never to tell her husband “I told you.” After explaining to her, she left my office with a smile, determined to be an encourager to her husband and not to be reminding him of his failures.

One of the worst moments for any responsible man is when he loses his job and is unable to cater for his family. Man was created by God to have family leadership spirit. God put in every male the ability to provide leadership for his family, which includes providing for his family at all times. Sometimes, some things that were not bargained for may happen such as job loss, etc. And when this happens, the woman is saddled with a lot of responsibilities. A job loss may reduce the husband’s self-esteem. When he is unable to provide for the family, he may feel “less manly”. At this critical point, the wife should not begin to insult and castigate him. Don’t say, “I told you.”

As a wife, one of the major roles given to you by God is to be a burden sharer and a helper in times of challenges. At moments like these, you are to speak encouraging words to your husband. Make him feel like the man he wants to be. Do not remind him of how you warned and advised him, but he did not listen to you. All these are highly immaterial now.

What the man needs now is an understanding wife that will inspire him. An empathetic, sympathetic and pragmatically positive wife, who will help make her husband walk again. A wife who will speak comforting words and remind him of what God can use him to do. A wife who will tell her husband that there is no successful man on earth who has never failed before. A wife, who will allow the spiritual power in Proverbs 24: 16 to penetrate her husband’s spirit, soul and body. Proverbs 24:16 says, “For a just man falls seven times and rises up again…”

I remember many years ago before I came into full time ministry, I had a business which I did alongside my pastoral work. I was to get a very big supply business, the profit of which we planned to use to buy a house in a highbrow area of the city. But the people wanted me to offer them bribe, which I refused. At that time, Carol and I were just trying to survive financially. When the Monday 12noon deadline to offer the bribe expired, and I was denied the contract, I informed Carol about the loss. What she said was “darling, don’t worry. This is not one of the ways God intends to make us rich.” I almost lost faith in Nigeria during those early years of our marriage, but Carol’s encouraging words made me to keep fighting on to become successful in a very corrupt environment. Hello ladies, do not tell your husbands again that, “I told you.” Instead, heal your pains and encourage him to move on. Love you.

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