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When your children are closer to their mother

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Charles Ighele

It was the custom of the king of Israel in those days to take dinner with his principal officers the first few days of the new month. Saul happened to be the king of Israel at that time. David was expected to be present during the new month dinner, but he was absent.

King Saul found his son’s excuse for David’s absence very annoying. He started abusing his son Jonathan. And instead of limiting his anger to his son, he started abusing Jonathan’s mother, who had nothing to do with David’s absence at the dinner party. He shouted “thou son of the perverse rebellious woman,” and this is something many children do not like. Children do not generally like it when their fathers abuse their mothers. Children do not generally like it when their fathers do not treat their mothers with respect.

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Children do not generally like it when they see that their fathers do not take care of their mothers. Children generally do not like it when they hear their fathers shout at their mothers. And of course, children hate to see their mothers being verbally or physically beaten by their fathers. I know of a family where the firstborn physically fought his father in order to prevent his mother from being dishonoured. Well, that man ought not to have fought his father. No excuse for that at all. But I brought this example to show how many children feel when their fathers use their office as the heads of the home to dishonour their mothers.

In some homes, you see the children spending more time with their mothers than their fathers after their mothers have been maltreated by their fathers. And this generally gets many men angry. Some men go to the extent of disowning the children and go to marry a brand new wife with a brand new set of children who they think will end up giving them the love that the first wife and her children did not give them.

Even when the home is at peace and the father and mother are at peace with each other, many children are still closer to their mothers than their fathers, and this makes some men think that they love their mothers more. I just want to let my fellow male folks know that it is not always so.

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Many children love their fathers deeply and yet are closer to their mothers whom they also love. Why is it so? The bonding between mother and child starts right from when the child is in the womb. When a child develops to a stage in the womb, he/she starts hearing the mother’s voice. A child, therefore, gets used to the mother and her voice right from the womb. After birth, the little babies spend more of their time with their mothers than with their fathers.

Breastfeeding alone is a very special time of bonding between mother and child. In many instances, the baby looks fixedly at the mother’s face while sucking her breast. Powerful cords of love are being tied in the process. There are many other things that bond mother and child. It is not that they do not love you as a father. They love you deeply but they are likely to be closer to their mothers. If you want your children to love you the way you think they love their mothers, there are two things you need to do. (1) Truly love their mother and let the children know that you love their mother. (2) Encourage your children to love their mothers. This will make them honour and love you more. Love you.

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