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When your wife is her mummy’s pet

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Bishop Charles Ighele


From my observation, more children in Nigeria seem to say “I will tell my mummy for you” than they say, “I will tell my daddy for you,” even though daddy is the symbol of strength and protection for the family.

The relationship between children and their mothers starts earlier than the relationship between children and their fathers. The relationship between children and their mothers starts from the womb, while that of children and fathers starts mostly after the child has come out of the womb.

The foundation I am trying to lay so far is that children are generally closer to their mothers than their fathers. Out of this foundation arise situations where a female child can be so close to her mother to the extent that she becomes her mother’s “pet,” her mother’s “special child.” Some can grow to become their mother’s “spoilt child.”

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There is a child I know who hardly does anything wrong, as far as the mother is concerned. For example, if this child steals biscuits from another child, she will go to any extent to defend her child. Her child was always right. You dare not report her child to her.

Most men who are already married to such “spoilt” females are not enjoying their marriages. Some have divorced. Every little thing she will say, “My mummy said, my mummy said, my mummy said.” During every little marital disagreement, the unwise mother will step in to protect her “pet.”

If you are already married or about to get married to a mummy’s pet, the following suggestions will help build your marriage:

Study your wife or fiancée and look at those areas where she is so fond of her mother. Look at those areas where her mother has completely won over her heart. Understand how her mother loved her.

After this, go on and keep appreciating her mother for being so full of love for her. When she knows that you love her mother, oh, she will love you more.

Some men go the wrong way by using threats and other violent means to distance their wives from an over-loving mother. In all my years of counseling, I have not come across any method like this at all that succeeded. Instead, it inflicted pains on all involved and the peace that followed was not better than the peace and quiet that the graveyard provides in the night.

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If, for example, her mother won her love by petting her with her favorite chocolate right from when she was a child, start buying her that special chocolate and do it better.

You are neither competing with her mother, nor trying to wipe off her mother’s love from her memory. What you are simply doing is understanding how your wife wants to be loved and then loving her better.

Abrahams’s wife, Sarah, certainly loved her only son, Isaac whom she got at old age. After Sarah’s death, a marriage between Isaac and Rebecca was arranged by Isaac’s father, Abraham. Gen 24:67 says, “…So Isaac was COMFORTED after his mother’s death.”

I strongly believe that for Isaac, an only child to be “COMFORTED” by his wife Rebecca, who might have employed some of the strategies I suggested above. Something I am very sure of is that Rebecca did not speak evil of her husband’s mother, Sarah, neither did she attempt to wipe off Sarah’ memories. If she had done so, Isaac would not have been COMFORTED. So, instead of quarrelling with your wife and her over-loving mother, use some of the methods your mother-in-law used to love and COMFORT her daughter, who is now your wife and use those methods to love and bring joy and COMFORT to your wife. Love you.

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In this article:
Charles Ighele
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