Why relationship fails: Dishonour
We have examined many reasons relationship fails to metamorphose into a holy wedlock or a blissful marriage. Please, do not forget that this also includes why some marriages hit the rock and why so many other relationships also fail. Today, we shall be looking at the subject of dishonour or lack of honour. Someone rightly said that we could lose anything God has given us for lack of honour or if we despise them. The truth is that anything we do not really value, we cannot really keep. It is only what we choose to appreciate that really appreciates in value. Dishonour can also lead to so many other problems in any life or any relationship. We live in a generation that is full of so much dishonour. Lack of honour or absence of honour is the reason for many of the disasters in our society today.
The fact is that many do not really understand the meaning and implications of honour or dishonour. Honour determines so many things in our lives and relationships. No one really desires a partner that walks in dishonour. But we need to understand that honour is first of all a seed before it becomes a harvest. That means it must begin with us. As individuals, we must purpose to sow the seed of honour to others before we can reap it in own lives because what we give determines what we receive. You are likely to receive dishonour from your partner, if all you do is to dishonour him or her. We must, therefore, make deliberate efforts to learn the subject of honour, so we can become true practitioners of the virtue. Honour usually determines our dispositions, actions and reactions. Honour is about what we do and sometimes what we refuse to do or what we choose not to do. You cannot afford to act anyhow or talk anyhow to the one you claim to be your partner. Just like someone rightly observed that most times when people say, “with all due respect,” what follows usually has no respect.
What then is honour or dishonour?
Honour simply means to respect someone, to reverence someone or to hold someone in high esteem. To dishonour someone means to disrespect or disregard someone or to despise or belittle someone or to treat someone as nobody or as unimportant. It is all about how we treat people. Some are going through marital delay, today, because they know little or nothing about the subject of honour. Relationship is bound to fail if it is characterised by dishonour. Generally, we must learn to honour everyone we come across in life, but more importantly, there are some people in our lives that we must place on priority, as far as honour is concerned. First, we must learn to honour God, Romans 13.7 says, “Render, therefore, to all their dues: Tribute to whom tribute is due, custom to whom custom, fear to whom fear, honour to whom honour.”
We must learn to honour our men and women of God. We must honour our parents. We must honour our spouses if we are married or our partners if we are already in a courtship. You are not supposed to wait till after marriage before you honour your spouse. The honour ought to increase after you are joined together in holy matrimony. Honour has to do with your attitude, especially the way you treat people. We must learn to treat everyone with respect because we were all created in the image of God and after His likeness. We do not have to know their positions, titles, wealth, or status before we honour them.
Excerpts from my books: Positioning yourself for the right partner and Dealing with the enemies of your marriage.
Some have missed great opportunities in life for lack of understanding on this crucial subject. Honouring God or your pastor, parents or even spouse begins with your willingness to obey. Despising such people’s instructions is actually dishonouring them. Who really wants to marry someone they cannot correct or at least advice? Nobody! We cannot say we honour God, our pastors or our parents when we despise their instructions and ignore their wisdom. Anyone who truly honours God must place priority on His Word and must walk in obedience to His Word. In Malachi 1.6, God said: “A son honoureth his father, and a servant his master: If then I be a father, where is mine honour? And if I be a master where is my fear? Saith the Lord of hosts unto you, o Priests that despise my name. And ye say where in have we despised thy name? “God’s Word must be given first place in our lives.
We must be ready to do all things in accordance with God’s Word, if we really want to honour Him. You cannot see your parents’ views as old school or something to be discarded or jettisoned, if you really choose to honour them, be they your spiritual parents or your biological parents, especially if they are godly parents. Married couples must also learn to honour their wives and husbands publicly and privately. It was dishonour that made Vashti to lose her exalted position in the palace and someone like Abigail won the heart of king David with unusual honour. King David had to go for her after the death of her husband, Nabal. Honour is in how you talk to people, how you treat people and how you show respect to others. Dishonour closes people’s heart against you, but honour will cause good people to gravitate towards you.
• Excerpts from my books: Positioning yourself for the right partner and Dealing with the enemies of your marriage.
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