Why relationship fails – Part 2
FURTHERMORE, foundation also has to do with where you met your partner and how you actually met and how the whole relationship started. There is a popular adage in this part of the world that says “the woman that you married in a dancing hall will be carried away by good dancers or by entertainments.” The truth is, that as you lay your bed so you will have to lie on it. Meeting in nightclubs, disco parties and ungodly places can spell a doom on the relationship. Although I need to say categorically here that meeting a man or a woman in the church or Christian programme is not guarantee that the person is right for you or perfect in character, no matter where you met the person, proper investigation about the person and waiting patiently to study him or her is essential.
The place of preparation before you enter into any relationship cannot be over emphasised, neither can we overstress the need for you to find your love and lover in the right places and the right environment. More importantly, the issue of foundation has to do with those things that you put into consideration, discussed or shared at the beginning of the relationship. It is unfortunate to note that many young people today only go into relationship just for the fun of it. They seem not to know the gravity of what they are delving or dabbling into and to that extent, it is not surprising to see how many make a shipwreck of their relationships.
It is germane to say at this juncture that before you consider going to relationship with anyone you must pray seriously, seek the face of God, seek counsel from those who are more informed on the subject, think very well and study the person you are going into relationship with properly.
This may take you some months or even years, depending on how close you were to the person before this time. In my book, “Ten men and ladies you must never marry,” I seriously warned the singles never to marry a stranger, that is, someone you are not that familiar with. That is why we do not start relating with the opposite sex by expressing our interest in getting married to them, because at that point, it will be very difficult to discover some of the things that you need to discover because of pretence, hypocrisies or what I called self-defence. You must get close and relate at a neutral or platonic level. Study the person very well, especially the genuineness of his or her salvation, his or her level of dedication and commitment to God and most, especially his or her character, attitudes and values before you can even think or decide whether you are interested or not, it is not about the beauty or the charming look or the stature. It is much more than mere outlook.
In conclusion, you may need to ask yourself some pertinent questions before you decide to approach a lady to ask for her hands in marriage or before you give a positive answer to a man seeking your hands in marriage.
Better still, let me help you with some questions you need to answer sincerely in your heart.
• Are you really ready for marriage?
• When exactly do you really want to get married?
• Are you sure the person will be ready at that time or will he or she be able to wait for you?
• How much of this person do you really know? How long have you known him or her.
• How committed is he or she to God?
• When and how did the person gave his or her life to Christ?
• What are the character or virtues you really admire in him or her that you have studied for some time may be for six months or more?
• Is there anyone that knows him or her very well who can give you a true and sincere information of what he or she knows about the person?
• Do you really appreciate his or her outlook?
• Have you really prayed and waited sincerely on God in prayers concerning that person?.
The questions are not exhaustive, but answering these few ones sincerely can help you make good decision. I usually encourage people not to rush into any relationship so that they will not need to rush out at the end of the day. We must not just rely on settling or discovering everything during courtship. There are things you can discover if you are patient enough before you start the courtship, that will also enable you to know whether you should start the courtship or not.
Rev. Solomon Julius Ojigiri, Everwinning Faith Ministries Int’l, 31, Oritse Street, Off Obafemi Awolowo Way, Balogun B/stop, Ikeja Lagos, Nigeria.
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