Why relationship fails

Disagreements

We have been looking at the problem of disagreement or absence of mutual agreement for the past three weeks. The place of agreement in any relationship cannot be over emphasised, as the Bible says in Amos 3.3 that two cannot walk together, except they be agreed. It is impossible to have a good relationship or even marriage when there are no mutual agreements. The subject of agreement and disagreement is broad, complex and complicated. The lack of agreement can spell doom for any relationship. There are major areas where we must agree, if we must have a good and lasting relationship. We have talked about the need to agree in what we believe. For instance, if you are a believer in Christ, it will be necessary for you to go into courtship with another believer in Christ.

In some cases, we have seen relationships failed because of fundamental doctrinal differences. I do not advocate that you compulsorily marry from the same denomination, as this does not guarantee bliss in your marriage. But sometimes, it can be helpful because it reduces the problem of doctrinal differences. Secondly, we need to agree on our value systems. What are your core values? Watch out for the same values in anyone you are interested in. Thirdly, watch out for the things, people and places you respect and hold in high esteem. You also need someone who have the same respect and regard for those things, people and places. Fourthly, you must agree on what you know and persuaded that God has called you to do. It can be very catastrophic to be in relationship with someone who is not in agreement with your vision, dreams or calling. There are many other areas where you need to agree.

For instance, there is the area of money. You must agree on your attitudes towards money. If a party thinks that money is everything or he believes he can amass wealth by whatever means, by crook or hook, such a person should not be considered by a decent person who believes that getting money must not be by all means but by God’s means. There is a great need to agree on how to make money, manage money and multiply money. When you are someone given to planning, you are thrifty and meticulous or very careful in your spending, you may have a very tough time, if you find yourself in a relationship with someone who is a spendthrift, flamboyant, ostentatious and prodigious; a person who does not believe in planning and budgeting. Such disagreements can affect the relationship negatively. Furthermore, there is need for you to agree on where to live, maybe your country or you want to relocate from the country. This singular reason has led to divorce in many marriages. The man wants to live in Nigeria, but the wife insists they must live abroad. You must discuss it and find a way to adjust and readjust. More importantly, you need to talk and agree on the number of children you want to have and how you are going to raise them.

Furthermore, you need agreement on how your misunderstandings or conflicts will be resolved. Will you go to your Pastor or your parents for whatever quarrels or settle amicably? What will you do when the matter is out of hand? There are some who will agree never to share anything with anyone, no matter the level of disagreement. While that has helped others to always settle amicably, it has brought separation in many homes. It is nothing but pride to keep pretending that you can handle issues by yourself, when it has become so obvious that the matter is getting out of hand. It is better to cry out for help than to watch your relationship or marriage break down before your very eyes. Furthermore, you need to agree on the job to do or where to work. It can be so frustrating for a lady who is very industrious and productive to get married to a man looking for a full-time house wife. You need to agree on the kind of account to keep, whether personal or joint account. You also need to agree on what to do or give your parents and how you will go about it— maybe monthly or whatever. More importantly also, you will need to agree on the Church to attend, and your level of commitment must be to go full length with God. There must be no restrictions on your level of dedication and commitment.

Finally, you must agree on who can live with you, the timing and the duration. More importantly, the limits and boundaries of people who may want to live with you. You must also agree on who cannot stay with you and why such people must be avoided. All these, among several others, need serious deliberations and agreement ever before you go to the altar to be joined together, because two cannot walk together except they be agreed.