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Wounded emotions

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Charles Ighele


About twenty years ago, I bought a book written by a pastor about the relationship he had with his dog. He said the relationship was so close that if he should go out swimming and he swims too deep, the dog would swim after him and start pulling his legs as if “don’t go too deep.” He said once in a while when his mother was looking the other way, he would sneak the dog into his bedroom and it would sleep in his room. Whenever it was time for him to come home from school every day, the dog would position itself in front of the house and as it sights him, it would run to welcome him back home.

On a particular day on his way back from school, some dogs came from a particular compound and started backing at him and when his dog saw what was happening, his dog ran and started fighting the other dogs. While they were fighting, they strayed into the road and an oncoming vehicle hit his beloved dog while the other dogs took off. He ran to carry his injured and bleeding dog for treatment but each time he wanted to hold his dog, it will want to bite him. This process went on until his beloved dog finally died.

The lesson in the book is that hurting people bite. In the cause of growing up, many people might have passed through emotional wounds and pains. And if these wounds are not healed and the pains are still there, before such people go into marriage, it is very likely that such people will make trouble with their fiance/fiancé or husband or wife. The harshness, the in-built defense mechanism and some of the easy flowing tears maybe as a result of the painful past. A little matter can make a person whose memories contain wounds to behave in a manner that the partner may not understand. It is on these bases that I normally advise couples to meet marriage counselors for the healing of their wounded emotions and memories before they get married. I tell them that in as much as they will never find the best footballer in the world going to play a football match with a serious injury until he is healed, that is how it is not good for a man or woman to go into marriage without healing their injured and painful emotions and memories.

Imagine a lady telling her fiancé how much pains she has passed through in her life and that she hopes her fiancé will not hurt her. Of course, the courtship could not last because the lady saw any mistake or ignorance on the part of the man to mean: “here he goes again.” The man could not understand this kind of behaviour. He quit the relationship.

There have been cases of young men and women who, when they remember how their daddies treated their beloved mothers or how their mothers treated their fathers whom they loved so much use their injured memories to bite whoever they get married to.

Some mothers and fathers have transferred their wounded feelings to their children. Some mothers will tell their daughters not to allow any man treat them the way their husbands treated them.

A young man decided not to ever love a woman in his life because a girl he loved earlier broke his heart. When he eventually got married, because he needed to get married, he treated his wife like a rag.

This is why I keep advising unmarried people to get their injured feelings healed before getting married. Those who are already married yet still living with their spouses’ bruised memories should meet a marriage counselor for the healing of their hurting memories. Love you.


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Charles Ighele
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