Your marriage can be a bed of roses -Part 1

Introduction:
One of the major causes of marital failure is the lack of knowledge of what marriage is all about. We aren’t taught either at home or in school, what marriage is all about. So, we go into it with the wrong mindset, only to discover that marriage is another kettle of fish.

For the avoidance of doubt, the scriptures say when God instituted marriage, He laid down the principle of “leaving and cleaving.” The man (and also the woman) should leave his/her family and cleave to their spouse. This is so that they have one God, one faith and one future. This is important as a foundation for a successful marriage.

When we talk about a “Bed of Roses”, we’re talking about comfort, ease, prosperity, togetherness, happiness, joy and peace. Roses are beautiful and attractive, but at close range, you discover they have thorns. Why? I believe it’s for the roses’ protection.

At a deeper level, it’s obvious that at the beginning, every marriage is very sweet. There is joy, happiness, sharing of gifts and spending of a lot of money. But after a while, problems arise, which threaten to slow down and destroy the joy of the marriage. Problems are the thorns in the bed of roses.

Many people enter marriage believing that all or most of their problems will be solved. You hear people say things like “I want to marry and settle down,” meaning they believe marriage is the answer to certain problems in their lives. This is self-delusion! We erroneously believe that once we get married, our problems will be over and so, we’re surprised when they surface and threaten to knock us down.

Problems are a constant in life, and since no one is immune from problems, you cannot pray or wish them away. Whether you like it or not, problems must arise in your marriage, and it’s the ability to resolve all problems with maturity that guarantees a bed of roses. God’s intention in allowing us go through problems is to make us strong and develop spiritual muscles. God doesn’t want problems to tear you apart, but to bring you closer to Him and one another. No matter the source of the problem, it is a joint problem. So, stand together and solve them. Remember the Bible says, “if you faint in the day of adversity (problems) your strength is small” (Proverbs 24:10). Problems can come in your finances, health and children, but instead of fighting each other or being ashamed, it should draw you closer.

If after marriage, you discover some wrong attitudes in your spouse, it is not the end of the marriage, but the beginning of your school in marital affairs. It is important to note that when problems arise, the devil begins to sponsor bad thoughts like you made a mistake marrying your spouse and these negative thoughts bombard your mind. These are not your thoughts, but demonic sponsored thoughts. So, don’t verbalise them. It is not everything that comes into your mind that you speak, because careless words spoken out of anger are not easily forgotten. You cannot win in your marriage, if you have lost the battle in your mind.

Don’t treat your marriage as being temporary, because if you treat your marriage as permanent, your problems will be temporal.
More next time!
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