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Your marriage can be a bed of roses – Part 3

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Today, we shall be concluding the series on how your marriage can be a bed of roses and we shall be looking at how to handle conflicts and disagreements when they arise.

One thing that is certain is that conflicts must arise whether you like it or not. In fact, one sign that your marriage can survive is the ability to have disagreements and resolve them without any third party interference. When problems arise what do you do?
Learn To Fight Like A Professional!

“Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath,” (Ephesians 4:26)

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To be angry is natural because if you never get angry, you have a bigger problem. There are things you don’t like, which are capable of upsetting you and this is normal! However, the Bible says we should not sin when we are angry over something; it also says we must resolve all issues before the sun goes down. The question, therefore, is how can this be done?

If you must fight (or disagree), then fight like a pro. In boxing, for example, there are two ways to fight; the Street fight and the Professional fight.

In street fighting, there are no rules. It is usually fight to finish until someone dies. All weapons are admissible and curses and exaggeration are acceptable. The ultimate aim of street fighting is to destroy the opponent.

On the other hand, professional fighting is guided by rules. Certain parts of the body cannot be hit. It is also moderated by a referee and there is always a time out or intervals of rest. Finally, professional fights hardly end in death.

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How to “fight” like a Pro?
• When there is a problem, set rules of engagement. I recommend the debate format, where one is allowed to talk for say five minutes and then the other takes his/her own five minutes to speak. This way everyone airs his/her views.
• Don’t assume you know what your spouse is going to say. No one, no matter how close can read another person’s mind. Learn to be a good listener.
• Determine that the word of God will be the referee whenever issues arise
• Do not hit “below the belt”. That is, don’t use abusive words or say to your spouse things like, “you never do anything good” or “you are always doing this or that”.
• Address the issue on ground and don’t bring up the past.
• Don’t fight to kill but to correct.
• Let there be room for forgiveness.
• Understand each other’s feelings.
• Remember you can win the fight but lose the battle.

Furthermore, you must learn to understand and love your spouse. If you realise that you are not perfect yourself, you will learn to accommodate the faults and errors of your spouse.

Finally, as a child of God, you have the weapon of prayers to change the tempo of your home and make it heaven on earth. There is nothing prayers cannot do and that stubborn spouse of yours can become an angel tomorrow if you give it what it takes.
Shalom!
Enquiries: Elshaddai Covenant Church, 7, Social Club Road, Off Charity Road, Abule-Egba. Tel: 08080929292 (Calls only); 08182281184 (Whatsapp messages only).

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In this article:
James O. James
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