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Increase your capacity – Part 3


Lawrence Achudume

Phillipians 4:8 gives a detailed breakdown of the kinds of thoughts that should be allowed within us.

Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.


This is what should form our decision; imposing scriptures into our behaviors and intentionally making it a quick guide in determining our behavior.

This will take one to the third step, which is, make a move to control your thoughts by developing control measures. When you control your thoughts, you control your actions. It will not be reactive but proactive. It is by choice that you choose to focus on the positive. You may not be able to choose what happens to you but you can choose how you react to it. Let the thoughts you allow within you align with your goals, values, and your principles for success. You must refuse to be enslaved by negative emotions.

I have said, Ye are gods, and all of you are children of the most High. Psalm 82: 6


The next maturity measure is to embrace criticisms, even when it is destructive and when it is unfounded. 2Sam 16: 5- 12.

Shimei caused and mocked David because of Absalom’s coup. He laughed and called the king many terrible names. David’s servants wanted to kill him but David restrained them.

And the king said, What have I to do with you, ye sons of Zeruiah? so let him curse, because the LORD hath said unto him, Curse David. Who shall then say, Wherefore hast thou done so? 


And David said to Abishai, and to all his servants, Behold, my son, which came forth of my bowels, seeketh my life: how much more now may this Benjamite do it? let him alone, and let him curse; for the LORD hath bidden him. 

It may be that the LORD will look on mine affliction, and that the LORD will requite me good for his cursing this day. 2Sam 16: 10- 12

There are many benefits to insult. Peninah insulted Hannah and it triggered her Samuel.


David said, maybe God will consider my affliction and deliver me. Negative criticism can take one back to God. Negative rebuke can make one behave better. Negative feedback can make one search for better ways of doing it right. You must choose not to surround yourself with sycophants, men that will speak what they know you want to hear, it’s all about pretense; they chose to praise you because that is what you want. They are never truthful but fake. Having a form of godliness but denying the power thereof, from such, turn away.

Part of emotional intelligence is to be empathetic. Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of others. It is immaturity to act based on your feelings only, you must see through the lens of others. You cannot always be right. This builds healthy and profitable relationship. You will not be an island but it will help you collaborate easily with others.

The ability to celebrate others easily shows a healthy emotional life. You will not always be at the center of attraction. Giving others their space is maturity. One way or the other, everyone craves appreciation and acknowledgement. Don’t be greedy with praises. Don’t be a miser. Don’t be too focused on others weaknesses, celebrate their strength, praise, inspire and stimulate them to be the best and to give their best.


Learning to apologize whether you are wrong or right is a state of growth.

To apologize easily is humility. It takes a mature man to say sorry. Refrain from being egoistic and choose simplicity. It will endear you to men, who may at the end be your helpers of destiny. Offence destroys. The ability to forgive and forget is a major sign of emotional maturity. Don’t cage yourself by holding unto hurts and resentment. It gets you stuck and limited. You will not be able to demonstrate liberty in the spirit. It is a weight that will not let you advance

Faithfulness and commitment is another angle to maturity. Let your yea be yea and your nay be nay. Build a reputation of reliability and trustworthiness and a culture of integrity.

An emotionally matured person is ever ready to be of help. People don’t remember you for what you say but for what you do. It is not about personal achievement but impact and relevance upon the hearts of men. You have nothing to lose in being kind, nice, and generous but rather, you win yourself a place in the hearts of men that will be difficult to erase. Let your life raise men and not kill men.


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