Knowing whom to marry – Part 4
Getting married for the right reasons: The decision to marry and whom we choose to marry is an important decision anyone can make after discovering their life cause. No one should hold a deterministic view of marriage, the decision to be married or not rests with individuals, who will engage the beauty of romance and marriage that genuinely delights God. God loves to watch the romance we initiate unfolds into His love and grow in our hearts for each other. It is amazing to know that God leaves the most important decision of our lives in our hands. However, when we choose to ask Him, He will help, lead, and guide us. He will establish our thoughts in the process of making the choice, but He will not make the final decision for us. This is a terrifying thought for many believers. I have personally witnessed emotional reactions to this ideal. It does not have to be terrifying because there are principles, which can help us navigate the steps of dating, courtship, and marriage gleefully.
The Way of Love: Whom we choose and why we make the choice plays the largest role in our spiritual growth and daily life, while we walk with the Lord. As simple as this sounds, it is amazing to me how often this point is forgotten in the whirlwind of romance. There are several emotional dynamics that contribute to the whirlwind. Some of them are not positive or healthy, even when the romance feels good. I find that one of the greatest dangers in romance and dating stems from how shortsighted we may become, when we fall in love. Modern imagery urges us to live in the moment and be swept off our feet, that if we are lucky, we will experience love at first sight and encounter our soul mate. One of the greatest problems people face in the early stages of romance is the trivialisation of the very idea of love itself because we have taken our eyes off the very source and true definition of love (Jesus) and substitute Him as repackaged love into storm of emotions that barely resembles His ideal. Beyond diminishing His love, our culture has also shifted our focus from the love from God, for God, and for others to loving ourselves only. This usually breeds selfishness and overrated expectations of romance and love in relationships. Our greatest pursuit must always be the knowledge of God and encountering His love. As we pursue the One who has found us, loved us, and saved us, we are empowered to love Him back with all our hearts. If these words define the rhythm of how we live our lives, then we will express what the world calls true love, deep and authentic. Love, for anyone who is in Christ, is something far deeper and more powerful than any romance epic that is dramatic and can be heart-breaking.
We must begin to define and express true love by the One who gave all to fight for our present lives and ultimate destiny in Him. We can only define love through the lens of the life He gave for us in humility and the cross He fought for us in a costly way. We can define love through the lens of the gospel; He values our lives and cherishes us and His ongoing intercession for us, believing the best of us. There is much that could be said beyond this about His glorious leadership in our lives and the way He directs and cares for our hearts in the journey of knowing Him and loving Him back.
The subject of the love of Christ is a vast one that has many chambers to explore and get lost in. Many people embrace the subject of the love of God on an emotional level and not in a revelatory way. Therefore, when a new romance develops, which touches them on a similar emotional level, they often lose reason to focus just on the new relationship. The revelation of the love of Christ, the experiential knowledge will instruct us how to love well and serves as an anchor that holds our hearts firm during the storms of life.
Ayo Daniels is a healthy family practitioner. Contact: